Coaching practices for Deflect Attacks Negotiation
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Deflect Attacks Negotiation, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- The other side keeps coming at me hard
- Every time I push back on the terms it somehow turns into them feeling attacked, and then we’re fighting about us instead of the actual issue
- Every time I push on the actual issue it lands as a personal attack and we both get defensive
- The second they push back I either cave completely or harden into all-or-nothing, because I walked in without ever deciding what I could actually live with
- Someone takes a dig at me and I instantly want to either defend myself or fire back, and either way I’ve handed them exactly the reaction they were fishing for and the jabs just keep coming.
Practices that may help
- Negotiation jujitsu
When they attack your position, don’t push back — redirect the force toward the problem.
Getting to Yes: Principled Negotiation - Separate the people from the problem
Address relationship concerns and substantive issues in different registers — treating people well and the problem hard.
Principled Negotiation, Made Practical - Separate the people from the problem
Be hard on the problem, soft on the people — attack the issue, not each other.
Getting to Yes: Principled Negotiation - Negotiate: know your minimum and be willing to give and take
Decide in advance what you are willing to accept short of your full ask, and be ready to offer something in exchange.
DEAR MAN: DBT’s Skill for Asking for What You Want Effectively - Fogging
Calmly agree with any grain of truth in a criticism without caving or counterattacking.
Assertiveness Training, Made Practical - Get to “No”, not “Yes”
Ask questions that invite a safe “No” so the other side feels in control.
Never Split the Difference, In Practice - The accusation audit
Say the worst thing they might be thinking about you — out loud, first — to defuse it.
Never Split the Difference, In Practice - Use a mediator or neutral frame to bypass reactive devaluation
Floating your idea through a neutral third party — or framing it as your own — makes it more likely to be evaluated fairly.
The Flinch and Reactive Devaluation, Made Practical - Replace defensiveness with partial responsibility
Defensiveness is a claim of innocence; taking even partial responsibility is the only way forward.
The Four Horsemen: Gottman's Warning Signs of Relationship Breakdown - Recognize reactive devaluation in yourself and your counterpart
An offer you would accept from a neutral party may feel unacceptable simply because your adversary made it — know this bias by name.
The Flinch and Reactive Devaluation, Made Practical
Related concerns
- Getting To Yes Principled Negotiation When Overwhelmed
Getting to Yes (Fisher & Ury, of the Harvard Negotiation Project) argues for negotiating on the merits instead of haggling over positions: separate people from the problem, focus on underlying interests, invent options for mutual gain, and judge outcomes by objective criteria — with your BATNA as the source of real leverage. It’s an influential framework grounded in decision theory and negotiation experience rather than a lab-tested protocol.
- Deflecting Demands Negotiation
Turning an unreasonable demand back into their problem collapses it without saying no.
Use "How am I supposed to do that?" to deflect impossible demands
- Getting To Yes Principled Negotiation As A Parent
Getting to Yes (Fisher & Ury, of the Harvard Negotiation Project) argues for negotiating on the merits instead of haggling over positions: separate people from the problem, focus on underlying interests, invent options for mutual gain, and judge outcomes by objective criteria — with your BATNA as the source of real leverage. It’s an influential framework grounded in decision theory and negotiation experience rather than a lab-tested protocol.
- Getting To Yes Principled Negotiation At Work
Getting to Yes (Fisher & Ury, of the Harvard Negotiation Project) argues for negotiating on the merits instead of haggling over positions: separate people from the problem, focus on underlying interests, invent options for mutual gain, and judge outcomes by objective criteria — with your BATNA as the source of real leverage. It’s an influential framework grounded in decision theory and negotiation experience rather than a lab-tested protocol.
- Getting To Yes Principled Negotiation For My Teenager
Getting to Yes (Fisher & Ury, of the Harvard Negotiation Project) argues for negotiating on the merits instead of haggling over positions: separate people from the problem, focus on underlying interests, invent options for mutual gain, and judge outcomes by objective criteria — with your BATNA as the source of real leverage. It’s an influential framework grounded in decision theory and negotiation experience rather than a lab-tested protocol.
- Getting To Yes Principled Negotiation Under Stress
Getting to Yes (Fisher & Ury, of the Harvard Negotiation Project) argues for negotiating on the merits instead of haggling over positions: separate people from the problem, focus on underlying interests, invent options for mutual gain, and judge outcomes by objective criteria — with your BATNA as the source of real leverage. It’s an influential framework grounded in decision theory and negotiation experience rather than a lab-tested protocol.
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