Coaching practices for Emotion Coaching Children

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Emotion Coaching Children, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I only ever try this stuff when my kid is already in full meltdown, and that’s exactly when it comes out stiff and scripted and falls apart
• The second my kid starts melting down I feel my own chest tighten and my patience snap, and I react from that heat
• My kid is sobbing about something that seems so small, and every instinct in me wants to explain why it’s not a big deal
• When my child gets upset my whole reflex is to make it stop as fast as possible
• My child has these huge feelings with no words for them

Practices that may help

1. Practice emotion coaching during low-stakes moments
   Build the skill in small moments so it’s available in the big ones.
   Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
2. Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
   Emotion coaching is John Gottman’s term for the parenting style in which adults treat a child’s negative emotions as opportunities to connect and teach rather than problems to suppress. Longitudinal research from Gottman’s lab found that children of emotion-coaching parents showed better emotional regulation, fewer behavioral problems, and stronger academic performance compared to children whose emotions were dismissed or punished.
3. Become aware of your own emotional reactions first
   A parent who is flooded by their child’s distress cannot coach it — self-awareness is the prerequisite.
   Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
4. Listen empathically and validate the feeling
   Reflect the emotion you see accurately before you do anything else.
   Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
5. Treat the emotional moment as a teaching opportunity
   When your child is upset, slow down instead of speeding toward resolution.
   Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
6. Help the child label the emotion with words
   Naming the feeling turns a body sensation into something the child can think about.
   Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
7. Co-regulate by naming your own zone first
   A parent who models zone awareness is a more effective co-regulator than one who only monitors the child.
   Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers)
8. Problem-solve together once the child is calm
   After the emotional storm passes, invite the child to find a solution with you.
   Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
9. Use physical movement to shift the nervous system state
   When the child is stuck in a heightened state, movement can shift the physiological baseline faster than words.
   The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
10. Engage the upstairs brain through curiosity and play
    Ask questions that require the child to think, imagine, or consider another perspective.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)

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