Coaching practices for How Do I Deal with My Anger and Anxiety

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I can stay calm reading about it, but the moment I’m actually in the situation all my good intentions vanish and I react
  • When the anger actually hits, my mind goes blank and there’s no calm voice in there
  • My anger feels like it comes out of nowhere and blindsides me every time, but afterward I half-suspect the same handful of things keep setting me off
  • I believe I have to let the anger out
  • The voice in my head when I’m anxious is brutal

Practices that may help

  1. Graduated anger inoculation (stress inoculation exposure)
    Practice coping with anger in imagination — from mild triggers to intense ones — before you face them live.
    Novaco Anger Management, Made Practical
  2. Prepare coping self-talk in advance
    Script what you’ll say to yourself at each stage of an anger escalation before it happens.
    Novaco Anger Management, Made Practical
  3. Map your anger triggers
    Build a personal inventory of the situations, people, and thoughts that reliably ignite your anger.
    Novaco Anger Management, Made Practical
  4. Soften when anger says attack
    When unjustified anger urges attack, gently avoid, withdraw, or take the other person’s side a little.
    Opposite Action: Acting Against the Emotion’s Urge
  5. Balanced, compassionate self-talk
    Talk to yourself as you would to a friend — accurate and kind, not harsh or falsely cheery.
    The Anxiety Toolkit, Made Practical
  6. Take a structured time-out
    Exit the provocation situation temporarily with a plan to re-engage — not as avoidance, but as arousal regulation.
    Novaco Anger Management, Made Practical
  7. Engage with the present moment
    Once the edge comes off, redirect attention fully into an activity or your surroundings.
    The DARE Response to Anxiety, Made Practical
  8. Use progressive relaxation to lower resting arousal
    Lower your physiological baseline so provocations have less arousal to add.
    Novaco Anger Management, Made Practical
  9. Allow the sensations without resisting
    Let the physical feelings of anxiety be present instead of bracing against them.
    The DARE Response to Anxiety, Made Practical
  10. Rehearse the response before you need it
    Learn and practice the four steps in low-stakes moments so they are available under pressure.
    The DARE Response to Anxiety, Made Practical

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