Coaching practices for How I Deal with Conflict

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How I Deal with Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• There’s a problem I keep not bringing up
• We solve the immediate thing but the same ugly dynamic underneath stays exactly the same, so the next disagreement plays out identically
• I handle every disagreement the same way
• I handle every disagreement the same way, and it works with maybe one kind of person and blows up with everyone else
• Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem

Practices that may help

1. Avoiding (unassertive, uncooperative)
   Sidestep or postpone the conflict when timing is bad or the issue isn’t worth engaging.
   The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
2. Transform the relationship, not just the issue
   Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
3. Choose your style deliberately
   The real skill isn’t a favorite style — it’s matching the style to the situation instead of defaulting.
   The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
4. Adapt your conflict approach to the other person’s DISC style
   Conflict lands differently for each style — match your approach to reduce defensiveness.
   DISC Behavioral Styles
5. Separate the person from the problem
   Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
6. Responding to conflict without escalation
   In a conflict, address the problem without attacking the person.
   Ahimsa: Non-Violence as a Daily Practice
7. Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
   Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
   The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
8. Accommodating (cooperative, unassertive)
   Yield to the other’s needs when the issue matters far more to them than to you.
   The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
9. Identify your default conflict mode
   Before you can choose a mode, you have to know which one you use automatically.
   The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
10. Use Avoiding strategically, not reflexively
    Avoiding has a real place — but only when the issue is trivial, the timing is wrong, or cooling down is necessary.
    The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)

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