Coaching practices for How to Handle Grief of Losing a Loved One
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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Everyone keeps telling me to move on and get over the loss, but the grief is huge and it won’t go
- Nobody in my life gets this kind of loss, and I’m starting to ache for even one person who’s been through the exact same thing and wouldn’t need me to explain why it matters.
- I deal with my grief by doing and fixing rather than weeping, and everyone keeps treating that as cold or in denial
- I keep my head down and stay busy so I never actually feel the loss, and now it ambushes me at random and won’t metabolize
- I want their life to keep meaning something in the world, not just end
Practices that may help
- Treating grief as a form of gratitude
When something ends and you feel grief, recognise that the grief is proportional to the love — and let it be both.
Mono no Aware: The Pathos of Things - Find a community that recognises your specific loss
Seek out people who have experienced the same type of loss — online or in person.
Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical - Identify your natural grieving style and adjust for it
Know whether you tend toward more loss or more restoration orientation — and compensate accordingly.
The Dual Process Model of Grief, Made Practical - Deliberately engage loss-oriented work
Set aside dedicated time to directly face the grief — the emotions, the absence, the meaning of the loss.
The Dual Process Model of Grief, Made Practical - Carry forward the person’s legacy in your own life
Identify values, projects, or commitments the person cared about and carry them forward yourself.
Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical - Havening to soften acute grief activation
Use gentle touch and brief distraction to lower the physiological intensity of grief surges.
Self-Havening: Calming the Nervous System Through Touch - Task 2: Work through the pain of grief
Allow and process the emotional and physical pain of loss rather than bypassing it.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical - Construct a coherent narrative of the loss
Tell the full story of the loss — who the person was, what happened, and what life is now.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical - Task 3: Adjust to a world without the person
Actively develop new skills, roles, and identity elements to navigate the changed life.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical - Task 1: Accept the full reality of the loss
Move from intellectual acknowledgement to full emotional acceptance that the person is gone.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical
Related concerns
- How To Deal With Grief Of Losing A Loved One
When something ends and you feel grief, recognise that the grief is proportional to the love — and let it be both.
Treating grief as a form of gratitude
- How To Handle Grief Of Losing A Parent
Set aside dedicated time to directly face the grief — the emotions, the absence, the meaning of the loss.
Deliberately engage loss-oriented work
- How Do I Deal With Grief Of Losing My Dad
Set aside dedicated time to directly face the grief — the emotions, the absence, the meaning of the loss.
- How Do I Deal With Grief Of Losing My Husband
Seek out people who have experienced the same type of loss — online or in person.
Find a community that recognises your specific loss
- How Do I Deal With Grief Of Losing My Mother
Set aside dedicated time to directly face the grief — the emotions, the absence, the meaning of the loss.
- How To Cope With Death Of A Loved One
Actively develop new skills, roles, and identity elements to navigate the changed life.
Task 3: Adjust to a world without the person
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