Coaching practices for Radical Honesty About Emotions During a Big Change

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • Something big happened and I feel two opposite things at once
  • I blew up at someone again and the anger came out instant and loud, but if I’m honest it was covering something rawer
  • There’s a conversation I know I need to have
  • When a big emotion hits, it becomes the whole world
  • I can feel the feeling and I’m not running from it, but I have no idea what it’s really about

Practices that may help

  1. Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical
    Naming and honestly expressing what you feel — rather than suppressing, masking, or performing emotions — is linked to lower physiological stress, better relationships, and more effective self-regulation. Decades of research on expressive writing and emotional disclosure support the general principle, though effects are modest and depend heavily on how disclosure is done.
  2. Notice and name mixed or contradictory emotions simultaneously
    When something significant happens, look for two or more emotions that coexist — even contradictory ones.
    The Feeling Wheel: Building Emotional Vocabulary
  3. Find the emotion underneath anger
    Anger almost always has a softer, more vulnerable emotion below it — hurt, fear, shame, or grief.
    Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical
  4. Develop emotional courage
    Choose discomfort deliberately when the values-aligned path is harder — courage is a practice, not a trait.
    Emotional Agility, Made Practical
  5. Recognize aware presence within strong emotion
    When a strong emotion arises, shift to noticing the awareness in which the emotion appears rather than being swept by it.
    Non-Dual Awareness, Made Practical
  6. RAIN — Investigate with kindness
    Gently explore what the feeling is about and what it most needs — with curiosity, not interrogation.
    Radical Acceptance, Made Practical
  7. Name the emotion accurately
    Use precise emotion words — not just "fine" or "stressed" — to be honest with yourself about what you actually feel.
    Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical
  8. Expressive writing about emotional experiences
    Write unfiltered about your feelings and thoughts around a difficult event — for processing, not performance.
    Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical
  9. RAIN — Recognize what is happening
    Pause and name the emotion or experience present right now, without editing it.
    Radical Acceptance, Made Practical
  10. Sharing emotions appropriately with others
    Disclose what you feel to a trusted person — matched in depth and context to the relationship.
    Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical

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