Coaching practices for The Body Keeps the Score Honestly Explained as a Caregiver

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I’m so cut off from my own body that I never notice I’m wound tight until I suddenly boil over or crash
  • Something will trip a memory and suddenly my body reacts like the old thing is happening all over again, right now
  • I keep trying to think and talk my way out of being upset, but once I’m flooded my mind just won’t work
  • The moment I’m hurting and most need someone, I pull inward and disappear
  • When I’m wound up or stuck I just sit there marinating in the feeling, when every cell of me is itching to move

Practices that may help

  1. The Body Keeps the Score, Honestly Explained
    Bessel van der Kolk’s core claim is that overwhelming experience is registered in the body and nervous system — not just as a memory but as ongoing physiological dysregulation — so calming the body ("bottom-up") can be as important as talking ("top-down"). The broad insight that trauma shows up physiologically is well supported; some of the book’s specific claims and favored therapies are more debated than the book’s certainty suggests. These are self-regulation skills, not a substitute for trauma treatment.
  2. Practice noticing what your body is doing
    Build the skill of sensing internal signals — tension, heart rate, breath — without being hijacked by them.
    The Body Keeps the Score, Honestly Explained
  3. Ground in the present when the past intrudes
    Use the senses and the room to signal "that was then, this is now" when memory floods the body.
    The Body Keeps the Score, Honestly Explained
  4. Regulate the body before you process the story
    When you are activated, settle the body first — insight cannot land on a flooded nervous system.
    The Body Keeps the Score, Honestly Explained
  5. Use safe relationship to regulate
    Reach toward safe people and steadying contact — we calm down through each other before we do it alone.
    The Body Keeps the Score, Honestly Explained
  6. Move and use rhythm to shift state
    Walking, swaying, drumming, dancing — rhythmic, whole-body movement to discharge and reset arousal.
    The Body Keeps the Score, Honestly Explained
  7. Read bodily signals as information
    Treat tension, energy dips, and gut feelings as data about needs and emotions, not just noise.
    Interoception, Explained
  8. Write an impact statement — why the trauma happened and how it affected you
    A written account of the meaning you made of the trauma is CPT’s starting point for finding stuck points.
    Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT): Unsticking the Meanings That Maintain PTSD
  9. Notice and question the story you’ve already told yourself
    Between the missed commitment and the conversation, you have built a narrative — and that narrative will leak into the conversation.
    Crucial Accountability: Holding People to Commitments That Matter
  10. Track body sensation (the felt sense)
    Follow raw physical sensation with curiosity — tingling, warmth, pressure — rather than the storyline.
    Somatic Experiencing, Honestly Explained

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