Coaching practices for Tki Avoiding

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Tki Avoiding, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• We’re both too hot right now and I can feel that if we keep going one of us will say something we can’t take back
• There’s one big thing glaring at me from the top of my list that I just won’t touch
• There’s a problem I keep not bringing up
• I’m starting to notice there’s a whole category of things
• I keep dodging things that make me anxious and telling myself it’s just self-care, but my world keeps getting smaller

Practices that may help

1. Use Avoiding strategically, not reflexively
   Avoiding has a real place — but only when the issue is trivial, the timing is wrong, or cooling down is necessary.
   The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
2. The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
   The TKI identifies five conflict-handling modes — Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Avoiding, and Accommodating — along two axes: how assertive you are in pursuing your own needs, and how cooperative you are in addressing others’. No mode is universally best; the skill is knowing which fits the situation and being able to shift deliberately rather than defaulting to one mode under pressure.
3. Place an important-seeming but deferrable task at the top of your list
   Put a compelling but non-urgent task first, so everything below it gets done in avoidance of it.
   Structured Procrastination, Made Practical
4. Avoiding (unassertive, uncooperative)
   Sidestep or postpone the conflict when timing is bad or the issue isn’t worth engaging.
   The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
5. Track recurring domains where you consistently avoid the unfamiliar
   Spot where unfamiliarity — not actual risk — is driving your avoidance, by logging avoidance decisions over time.
   Ambiguity Aversion — Why Unknown Odds Feel Worse Than Bad Odds
6. Distinguish preventive avoidance from growth-limiting avoidance
   Not all avoidance is the same: some situation selection is wise management; some is shrinking your life.
   Situation Selection, Made Practical
7. Identifying and challenging interpersonal myths
   Surface and test the beliefs that prevent you from asking for what you need or saying no.
   DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship
8. Approach when fear says avoid
   When unjustified fear urges avoidance, deliberately approach the thing instead.
   Opposite Action: Acting Against the Emotion’s Urge
9. Deliberately enter low-stakes discomfort
   Regularly choose small situations that trigger the target anxiety so the nervous system learns it is survivable.
   The Confidence–Competence Loop
10. Use Competing when speed or safety matters more than buy-in
    Competing — high assertive, low cooperative — is appropriate when the decision is urgent, high-stakes, and not open for debate.
    The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)

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