Coaching practices for We See This Differently
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For We See This Differently, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I keep walking into this conversation leading with my version of what happened as if it’s just the truth, and it instantly puts them on the defensive
- I replay what happened and I only ever see it from my own side
- This disagreement has hardened into us-versus-them, like we want completely opposite things
- Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem
- Every disagreement turns into me versus them, like we’re opponents trying to win instead of two people up against the same problem
Practices that may help
- Start from the "third story"
Instead of your story or their story, open from the neutral observer view: "We see this differently."
Looping for Understanding (Difficult Conversations) - Observe from multiple angles before drawing conclusions
Deliberately take different perspectives on the experience before deciding what it means.
Structured Reflection: Kolb’s Learning Cycle in Practice - Map shared values before mapping the disagreement
In any conflict, identify the values or goals you and the other person genuinely share before cataloguing differences.
Naive Realism: Why Everyone Thinks They See Things as They Are - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Spot the frame being used on you
Re-describe a choice in the opposite frame to see what you actually think.
The Framing Effect - Habit 6: Synergize
Combine differences so the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Made Practical - Question your own objectivity explicitly
Ask yourself what forces might be shaping your perception before assuming you see things clearly.
Naive Realism: Why Everyone Thinks They See Things as They Are - Ask what a specific other person would do
Step into a named other’s perspective to access approaches you would not generate as yourself.
Oblique Strategies, Made Practical - Use multiple analogies for the same problem
Draw on at least two different analogies for a new problem and see where they agree and diverge.
Analogical Reasoning
Related concerns
- Analogical Reasoning During Conflict
In conflict, stop arguing about conclusions and descend together to the data level.
Walk down the ladder together in disagreements
- Depersonalize Conflict
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
Separate the person from the problem
- Essentialism During Conflict
In any conflict, identify the values or goals you and the other person genuinely share before cataloguing differences.
Map shared values before mapping the disagreement
- Holding Multiple Perspectives
When two people you respect disagree, hold both views as data instead of needing one to be simply right.
Hold conflicting perspectives without collapsing
- Identity Priming During Conflict
Identity priming is the finding that briefly activating a self-concept (e.g., "I am someone who values health") before a decision increases the chance of behavior consistent with that identity. Effects are real but modest and context-dependent; they are most reliable when the identity is already part of how you genuinely see yourself.
- Integrating Viewpoints
When two people you respect disagree, hold both views as data instead of needing one to be simply right.
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.