Coaching practices for I Keep Throwing Better Information and New Tactics at This Problem and it Just Comes Back I'm Starting to Suspect No Technique Will Fix it That It's Asking Me to Actually Change Something in Myself
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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I keep throwing better information and new tactics at this problem and it just comes back
- I’ve thrown so much at this change and it still won’t stick, and I honestly can’t tell whether the real problem is that I don’t want it enough, don’t know how, or my whole setup makes it impossible
- I keep fixing the thing right in front of me and the same trouble just keeps coming back in a new shape, which makes me think I’ve only been swatting at the surface
- I keep blaming myself and vowing to just try harder, yet the same failure happens again and again no matter how much willpower I throw at it
- I’ve been hammering at this for hours and just going in circles, but stopping feels like quitting, so I keep grinding
Practices that may help
- Distinguish technical problems from adaptive challenges
Separate problems you can solve with existing expertise from those requiring you to change.
Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical - Diagnose before you prescribe with COM-B
Before picking a strategy, identify which of Capability, Opportunity, or Motivation is the bottleneck.
The COM-B Model and Behavior Change Wheel - Climb the why–why ladder
Ask "why is this a problem?" repeatedly to reveal the higher-level goal your current framing may be missing.
Problem Reframing: Solving the Right Problem First - Distinguish system causes from individual causes in the analysis
Most failures have system causes and individual causes; fixing only the individual leaves the system to produce the same result again.
After-Action Review: The US Army’s Tool for Continuous Learning - Take a deliberate incubation break
When stuck, stop working the problem and let time and an unrelated activity do the work.
Incubation: Why Stepping Away Solves Problems - Treat failed attempts as constraint-locators rather than dead ends
Each failed approach tells you precisely where the active constraint lives — mine that information before trying again.
Constraint Relaxation: Escaping the Walls You Built Yourself - Drill down with the five whys
Ask “why?” repeatedly to move from a surface symptom to the root constraint.
First-Principles Thinking, Made Usable - Diagnose the challenge before choosing the response
Ask whether the problem requires new expertise (technical) or new values and behavior (adaptive).
Adaptive Leadership, Made Practical - Resist the pull to optimize parameters when structure is the problem
Notice when you are adjusting numbers and ask whether the structure is the actual problem.
Leverage Points - Change exactly one element and observe what shifts
Alter a single variable at a time to see how the rest of the system responds.
Oblique Strategies, Made Practical
Related concerns
- When Behavior Change Wheel Com B Diagnosis
Before picking a strategy, identify which of Capability, Opportunity, or Motivation is the bottleneck.
Diagnose before you prescribe with COM-B
- When Problem Reframing Why Why Ladder
Ask "why is this a problem?" repeatedly to reveal the higher-level goal your current framing may be missing.
Climb the why–why ladder
- Solution Focused Exceptions
Identify times when the problem was absent or less severe — these are evidence that solutions already exist.
Exception Finding: When Is the Problem Already Less Severe?
- When Crucial Accountability Explore The Cause
The solution to a missed commitment depends entirely on what caused the miss — and you usually don’t know until you ask.
Explore before you prescribe: diagnose why the gap happened
- When Five Whys Fix And Prevent Not Just Remediate
Ensure the root-cause fix eliminates the cause permanently, not just this occurrence.
Design the fix to prevent recurrence, not just to recover from this instance
- When Problem Reframing Problem Owner Mapping
Identify whose problem it truly is before investing in a solution — the framing often changes when you name the real owner.
Map who actually owns the problem
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