Coaching practices for Zones of Regulation Leah Kuypers After a Loss

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I start in exactly the right state but somewhere as the event grinds on
  • When my child melts down and I ask what’s wrong, they genuinely can’t tell me
  • I keep telling my child to calm down while I’m clearly losing it myself, and I can feel how hollow that is
  • My child can tell me they’re upset but then has no idea what to actually do about it
  • I worry I’ve accidentally taught my child that only being calm and happy is acceptable, because now they hide it or insist they’re "fine" when they’re clearly upset

Practices that may help

  1. Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers)
    The Zones of Regulation is a curriculum developed by Leah Kuypers that organizes all emotional and sensory states into four color-coded zones, teaching children to identify their current state and use tools to self-regulate. Evidence is primarily observational and clinical — formal RCTs are limited — but the framework is widely used in occupational therapy and special education with reported improvements in self-regulation and social awareness.
  2. Monitor zone status during competition and intervene early
    Develop the habit of checking your emotional state at key points during competition and micro-regulating back toward zone.
    The Zone of Optimal Functioning: Hanin’s IZOF Model
  3. Teach the four zones and what each one feels like
    Give children a shared map of internal states before asking them to regulate.
    Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers)
  4. Co-regulate by naming your own zone first
    A parent who models zone awareness is a more effective co-regulator than one who only monitors the child.
    Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers)
  5. Build each child’s personalized regulation toolbox
    Each child needs their own set of tools matched to each zone.
    Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers)
  6. Teach that Green is the goal, not the only acceptable zone
    All zones are normal; the goal is knowing which zone a situation calls for and how to get there.
    Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers)
  7. Arrange the environment to support Green Zone states
    Predictable schedules, sensory comfort, and low transition stress make Green more accessible.
    Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers)
  8. Name the feeling to defuse the reflex
    Labeling "this is loss aversion talking" turns an automatic reflex into a choice.
    Loss Aversion, Made Practical
  9. Map your own window
    Learn the signs of your calm zone, your hyperarousal, and your shutdown.
    The Window of Tolerance: Your Optimal Arousal Zone
  10. Recover and recharge after intense emotion
    After an emotional peak, deliberately allow recovery time — intense arousal depletes resources.
    The 90-Second Rule, Made Practical

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