E — Empathize with the offender

Try to understand the pressures, fears, or story behind what they did — without excusing it.

Why it works

Empathy and sympathy are emotionally incompatible with sustained anger — you can rarely hold both toward the same person at once. Constructing a plausible account of why the offender acted (their fear, ignorance, or their own pain) replaces the "monster" narrative that keeps resentment fueled. This is the step Worthington treats as the engine of emotional forgiveness.

How to do it

1. Imagine the offender explaining themselves — not to justify, but to be understood.
2. Consider the pressures or fears that might have driven the behavior.
3. Hold "this explains it" separate from "this excuses it" — understanding is not approval.

Evidence

Empathy is the most consistently emphasized active ingredient across Worthington’s work and forgiveness-intervention research generally. The broader REACH protocol has been tested in randomized trials and meta-analyses showing it raises forgiveness and lowers depression and anxiety. (observational)

Effects are real but modest, and dose matters — more session time predicts more forgiveness; brief exposure does little.

Sources

• Wade, Hoyt, Kidwell & Worthington (2014), meta-analysis of forgiveness interventions, J. Consulting and Clinical Psychology

Common mistake

Hearing "empathize" as "excuse" and refusing the step on principle. Empathy is for your own release; it never requires calling the harm acceptable.