Self-forgiveness through the practice

Direct the forgiveness phrases inward to release guilt or shame you carry about your own past actions.

Why it works

Self-criticism maintains shame through a loop of judgment and re-judgment; self-forgiveness interrupts it by separating the harmful action from the worth of the person who performed it. Directing "I’m sorry, please forgive me" to oneself externally models the same compassionate stance toward self-error that we would more readily extend to others.

How to do it

1. Identify a past action or pattern you feel guilt or shame about.
2. Apply the four phrases to yourself as clearly as you would to another person: "I’m sorry [self]. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you."
3. When self-judgment resurges, return to the phrase without argument.
4. Complement the practice with a concrete amend or behavioral change where one is possible.

Evidence

Self-forgiveness is associated with lower depression, anxiety, and rumination in observational research; the mechanism appears to be decoupling self-worth from past error. Wohl, DeShea & Wahkinney’s state self-forgiveness measure links momentary self-forgiveness to better psychological well-being, grounding the inward-directed use of the phrases. (observational)

The ho’oponopono framing of self-forgiveness is not separately studied; the evidence base is for self-forgiveness broadly.

Sources

• Wohl, DeShea & Wahkinney (2008), Looking within: Measuring state self-forgiveness and its relationship to psychological well-being, Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science
• Wohl, M. J. A., DeShea, L., & Wahkinney, R. L. (2008). Looking within: Measuring state self-forgiveness and its relationship to psychological well-being. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 40(1), 1-10.

Common mistake

Using the self-forgiveness phrases to bypass accountability — forgiving yourself without acknowledging the harm done or making any repair where repair is possible.