Paraphrase and explicitly check your understanding

"What I’m hearing is… Did I get that right?" — the two-part loop that closes the understanding gap.

Why it works

When we think we’ve understood something, we stop processing — we shift from listening to responding. The paraphrase-check forces re-engagement: paraphrasing requires you to actually construct a model of what the other person said, and the explicit check invites correction. This is not just courtesy — it is an accurate test of whether understanding occurred. The brain’s tendency to fill in gaps with its own assumptions means we are wrong about understanding more often than we feel we are.

How to do it

1. After the other person finishes a key point, paraphrase in your own words — not word-for-word repetition: "So what I’m hearing is [your synthesis]."
2. End with an open, genuine check: "Is that right?" or "Did I get that?" — not "Right?" as punctuation.
3. If they correct you, paraphrase the correction and check again. Repeat until they say yes — that is the loop.

Evidence

Reflective listening and accurate empathy are among the best-supported communication skills across therapy, negotiation, and conflict research. Paraphrase-with-check is a specific operationalization of reflective listening that adds an explicit accuracy test. (clinical)

Looping as a specific named practice is from practitioner literature; the underlying reflective listening mechanism is robustly supported in clinical and negotiation contexts.

Sources

• Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-Centered Therapy. Houghton Mifflin.
• Miller, W. R. & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

Common mistake

Ending the paraphrase with a rhetorical "right?" that invites agreement rather than a genuine open check — this closes the loop before the other person has actually confirmed understanding.