Loving-kindness toward yourself

Begin by directing the well-wishes inward — “may I be safe, happy, healthy, at ease.”

Why it works

Starting with yourself counters the harsh inner critic by deliberately rehearsing a kind, supportive inner stance. This overlaps directly with self-compassion: treating yourself with the warmth you would offer a friend, which research links to lower self-criticism and greater emotional resilience under stress and failure.

How to do it

1. Direct the phrases toward yourself first ("may I be safe...") before extending them outward.
2. If self-directed warmth feels hard or false, that is common — start with a wish you can mean, even a small one.
3. Notice resistance or self-criticism without judging it, and keep gently offering the wish.
4. Spend real time here before widening the circle; self is the foundation, not a formality.

Evidence

Self-compassion is a reasonably well-studied construct linked in research to lower anxiety and depression and greater resilience. Loving-kindness toward the self is one route into it, though the specific self-directed metta instruction has a smaller dedicated evidence base. (observational)

For some people, especially with high self-criticism or trauma, self-directed warmth can initially trigger discomfort or backlash; go gently and seek support if it is distressing.

Common mistake

Skipping yourself because it feels selfish or uncomfortable, and jumping straight to others — which leaves the harshest relationship (with yourself) untouched.