Use the anticipation of interaction to create liking before meeting

Knowing you will interact with someone in the future makes you evaluate them more positively before it happens.

Why it works

Research by Darley and Berscheid (1967) found that merely expecting to interact with a person made subjects rate that person more favorably than a comparable stranger — an anticipation bias that prepares us for positive engagement. This means that explicitly framing an upcoming interaction positively (rather than dreading it) is not self-delusion but an activation of a real social-cognitive mechanism. The mechanism evolved to smooth social entry into repeated-contact groups — exactly the propinquity scenario.

How to do it

1. Before entering a social environment you will re-enter repeatedly (a new job, new neighborhood, new class), consciously expect the interactions to go well rather than rehearsing awkwardness.
2. Frame recurring contacts as people you’re getting to know rather than strangers you have to deal with.
3. In communities you are newly joining, give yourself a deliberate "warm expectation" before each visit during the first month.

Evidence

Darley and Berscheid (1967) found that anticipated interaction increased liking for a target person; this is a replicated finding in social psychology. (observational)

Laboratory finding; the effect size in real-world social entry contexts has not been separately studied.

Sources

• Darley, J. M., & Berscheid, E. (1967). Increased liking as a result of the anticipation of personal contact. Human Relations, 20(1), 29–40.
• Darley, J. M., & Berscheid, E. (1967). Increased liking as a result of the anticipation of personal contact. Human Relations, 20(1), 29–40.

Common mistake

Entering new social environments with a frame of anxious evaluation (“Will these people like me?”) which actually decreases liking because anxiety is readable and activates social threat in the other person.