Weigh action regret against inaction regret

Over a lifetime, the regrets that linger are usually the things you didn’t do.

Why it works

In the short term people regret actions that went badly; but research finds that over the long run, inaction regrets — the chances not taken — dominate and persist. Naming both kinds explicitly corrects the in-the-moment bias toward avoiding action, which short-term regret aversion otherwise drives.

How to do it

1. For the decision, name the regret if you act and it fails.
2. Name the regret if you never try at all.
3. Weight the inaction regret heavily — it’s the one that tends to last.

Evidence

Supported by research on the temporal profile of regret: while action regrets sting more immediately, inaction (regrets of omission) become the more enduring and frequently reported regrets over the long term. Later work sharpens why: people’s most enduring regrets cluster around unfulfilled ideal selves — the aspirations and "roads not taken" — more than around failures to meet obligations, which is precisely the not-trying this practice asks you to weigh. (observational)

Findings are from self-report studies of remembered regret; the action/inaction balance varies by domain and is not a universal law.

Sources

• Gilovich & Medvec (1995), the experience of regret — actions vs inactions over time, Psychological Review
• Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1995). The experience of regret: What, when, and why. Psychological Review, 102(2), 379-395.
• Davidai, S., & Gilovich, T. (2018). The ideal road not taken: The self-discrepancies involved in people’s most enduring regrets. Emotion, 18(3), 439-452.

Common mistake

Only weighing the regret of trying and failing, while ignoring the quieter, longer-lasting regret of never having tried.