Ask the three restorative questions

Start every harm conversation with: who was hurt, what do they need, and who is responsible for meeting those needs?

Why it works

Conventional responses to harm focus on the rule violated and the punishment warranted — a backward-looking, perpetrator-centered frame. The three restorative questions shift focus forward and outward: to the person harmed, their actual needs, and the community responsible for meeting them. This reframe changes who has voice in the process and what counts as resolution — from "punishment delivered" to "harm repaired."

How to do it

1. When harm occurs — an offense, a conflict, a breach of trust — pause and explicitly ask: "Who was hurt by what happened?"
2. Ask the harmed party directly: "What do you need in order for this to be right?" Listen without proposing solutions.
3. Ask the person who caused harm: "What needs to happen for you to take responsibility for this?" — not as an accusation but as a genuine accountability question.

Evidence

Restorative justice meta-analyses find consistently higher victim satisfaction with restorative processes compared to conventional criminal justice, along with moderate evidence for reduced reoffending in some juvenile and adult contexts. (observational)

Most restorative justice research is in criminal contexts; generalization to workplace or interpersonal conflicts involves contextual differences. Outcomes vary by type of offense and voluntary participation.

Sources

• Sherman, L. W. & Strang, H. (2007). Restorative Justice: The Evidence. The Smith Institute, London.

Common mistake

Asking what happened and immediately jumping to who was at fault, rather than first establishing who was harmed and what they need — which determines what resolution even means.