Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter

Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.

Why it works

Collaboration requires both parties to put their underlying needs on the table and work toward an integrative solution — one that satisfies both sets of needs rather than splitting the difference. It works because it addresses the actual interests behind stated positions, not just the positions themselves. The cost is time and psychological safety — both parties must be willing to be honest about what they actually need, which is only possible when the relationship can sustain that honesty.

How to do it

1. Before the conversation, ask: what is my underlying need here, beneath my stated position? What might theirs be?
2. Open by naming the shared interest: "I want us both to walk away with something that actually works."
3. Explore options that weren’t in either opening position — the integrative solution is usually not either/or.

Evidence

Interest-based negotiation research (Fisher & Ury, Getting to Yes) demonstrates that surfacing underlying interests and searching for integrative solutions produces more durable agreements than positional bargaining. (observational)

Collaboration requires mutual good faith and sufficient time; in adversarial or power-imbalanced situations, Collaborating can be exploited by a Competing counterpart.

Sources

• Fisher, R. & Ury, W. (1981). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. Penguin.

Common mistake

Calling a meeting "collaborative" while actually committed to a predetermined outcome — pseudo-collaboration burns trust faster than honest Competing would.