Coaching practices for Ben Franklin Political Strategy

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • There’s someone I want to get closer to and my instinct is always to do something nice for them to win them over, and it never quite clicks
  • I keep handing my team finished plans and then can’t understand why they nod along but never really own it
  • I want this person to feel respected and drawn in, and I keep thinking in terms of doing things for them
  • I’m about to ask someone for something that’s actually pretty big, and I keep catching myself wanting to shrink it down
  • I’m trying to deepen a connection and I’m tempted to make one big ask to cement it, but I sense the steadier route is a rhythm of small back-and-forth over time

Practices that may help

  1. The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
    When someone does you a favor, they unconsciously justify the behavior by deciding they must like you — otherwise why would they have helped? This cognitive dissonance reduction is called the Ben Franklin Effect, named after Franklin’s own documented strategy of borrowing a rare book from a rival legislator. The core mechanism has experimental support, though effect sizes and boundary conditions are worth understanding.
  2. Ask for a small, genuine favor from someone you want to build rapport with
    Request something real and modest — help you actually need — not a pretext.
    The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
  3. Invite clients or reports to contribute insight to your approach
    Asking someone you lead for their input increases their investment in the outcome.
    The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
  4. Ask for their expertise or opinion — not just their help
    Requesting someone’s expert opinion generates more liking than requesting their labor.
    The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
  5. Warren Buffett’s Two-List Strategy
    The Buffett two-list strategy asks you to write down 25 career or life goals, circle the top 5, then treat everything else on the list as active avoidances — not "do later" items. The story is apocryphal and its precise origin is unverified, but the underlying principle — that near-priority goals steal attention from top priorities — is consistent with how cognitive resources and opportunity costs work.
  6. Keep asks sized to what the person can easily afford to give
    A favor that costs the helper too much produces regret, not liking.
    The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
  7. The Foot-in-the-Door Technique, Made Practical
    The foot-in-the-door technique works by getting a small commitment first — then making a larger request. The initial compliance activates self-perception ("I’m someone who does this") and commitment-consistency processes that make the larger request harder to refuse. Freedman & Fraser’s 1966 original study is well-replicated, with meta-analyses finding medium effect sizes — though the effect size and boundary conditions vary meaningfully by context.
  8. Build a pattern of small asks rather than one large one
    Multiple small favors over time create a deeper liking pattern than a single large ask.
    The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
  9. Never Split the Difference, In Practice
    Chris Voss’s core move is tactical empathy: name and voice the other side’s emotions so they feel understood, which lowers their defenses and opens real bargaining. The signature tools — mirroring, labeling, calibrated questions, and the accusation audit — are practitioner tactics from FBI hostage negotiation, grounded in well-established psychology of emotion and rapport rather than tested as a packaged system.
  10. Negotiate from abundance, not scarcity
    Question the assumption that what one side gains the other must lose.
    The Third Alternative, Made Practical

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