Ask for their expertise or opinion — not just their help
Requesting someone’s expert opinion generates more liking than requesting their labor.
Why it works
Asking for expertise or judgment (rather than physical help) activates the Ben Franklin mechanism while also signaling respect for the person’s knowledge and judgment. The dissonance resolution is compounded: not only did I help this person, but they valued my knowledge — which further justifies the positive self-attribution. It is harder to feel resentment about giving an opinion than about investing significant time.
How to do it
- Frame the ask around their unique knowledge: "You know this field better than almost anyone I know — can I get your read on this?"
- Be specific about what type of input you want — strategic, technical, experiential — so they can respond in their strongest mode.
- Actually use their input and tell them what you did with it; this confirms the advice-giving was worthwhile.
Evidence
Expert-opinion requests are consistent with self-perception theory (Bem, 1972): when someone gives advice, they perceive themselves as invested and knowledgeable in the domain, which increases their positive regard for the domain and its participants. Direct experimental isolation of expertise requests vs. general help is limited. (mechanistic)
The expertise-specific component is principled inference from self-perception theory; the direct comparison of expert-ask versus general-ask in liking research has not been cleanly isolated.
Sources
- Bem (1972), Self-perception theory, Advances in Experimental Social Psychology
Common mistake
Asking for an opinion and then visibly ignoring or contradicting it in front of the person — which confirms that the ask was performative and can produce more hostility than the original absence of a request.
Practice this with IX Coach
7 days free, then $40/month (~$1.30/day).
More practices for The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
- Ask for a small, genuine favor from someone you want to build rapport with
Request something real and modest — help you actually need — not a pretext.
- Close the favor with specific, sincere gratitude
Specific thanks reinforces the helper’s positive self-attribution and deepens the effect.
- Build a pattern of small asks rather than one large one
Multiple small favors over time create a deeper liking pattern than a single large ask.
- Use a small ask to repair a strained relationship
In a cool or conflicted relationship, asking for a small favor can reset the dynamic more effectively than doing one.
- Keep asks sized to what the person can easily afford to give
A favor that costs the helper too much produces regret, not liking.
- Invite clients or reports to contribute insight to your approach
Asking someone you lead for their input increases their investment in the outcome.
Related concepts
- Cialdini’s Principles of Influence
The six levers of persuasion, the mechanism behind each, and how to use them honestly
- The Rule of Reciprocity, Made Practical
Why giving first is a lever of persuasion — and how to use it without manipulation
- How to Win Friends and Influence People, Made Practical
The durable principles, their likely mechanisms, and an honest read on the evidence
- Active Listening, Made Practical
The component skills, the mechanisms behind them, and an honest read on the evidence