Ask for their expertise or opinion — not just their help

Requesting someone’s expert opinion generates more liking than requesting their labor.

Why it works

Asking for expertise or judgment (rather than physical help) activates the Ben Franklin mechanism while also signaling respect for the person’s knowledge and judgment. The dissonance resolution is compounded: not only did I help this person, but they valued my knowledge — which further justifies the positive self-attribution. It is harder to feel resentment about giving an opinion than about investing significant time.

How to do it

1. Frame the ask around their unique knowledge: "You know this field better than almost anyone I know — can I get your read on this?"
2. Be specific about what type of input you want — strategic, technical, experiential — so they can respond in their strongest mode.
3. Actually use their input and tell them what you did with it; this confirms the advice-giving was worthwhile.

Evidence

Expert-opinion requests are consistent with self-perception theory (Bem, 1972): when someone gives advice, they perceive themselves as invested and knowledgeable in the domain, which increases their positive regard for the domain and its participants. Direct experimental isolation of expertise requests vs. general help is limited. (mechanistic)

The expertise-specific component is principled inference from self-perception theory; the direct comparison of expert-ask versus general-ask in liking research has not been cleanly isolated.

Sources

• Bem (1972), Self-perception theory, Advances in Experimental Social Psychology

Common mistake

Asking for an opinion and then visibly ignoring or contradicting it in front of the person — which confirms that the ask was performative and can produce more hostility than the original absence of a request.