Coaching practices for Change Talk
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Change Talk, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- We have a good talk, everyone leaves nodding and feeling better
- We have a great talk and the person leaves with "I’ll think about it," and within a day or two it’s evaporated
- There are these little hinge moments
- I walk into these talks already certain I know exactly what happened and just there to deliver my conclusion
- I come in fast and loud to someone who’s quiet and low-key, or stay flat when the room is buzzing, and the conversation just never clicks
Practices that may help
- Move to action
Close the conversation by deciding how decisions get made, then assigning who does what by when.
Crucial Conversations, Made Practical - Secure Will — convert the best option into a specific commitment
Close the conversation with a specific, self-declared commitment to a concrete next action.
The GROW Model: Coaching Conversations That Actually Move People - Exploit micro-transitions within your day as mini fresh-start moments
Use daily transition points — arriving home, finishing a meeting, taking a break — to deliberately shift behavior rather than defaulting to the old pattern.
The Habit Discontinuity Effect - Adopt the learning stance
Trade "I know what happened" for "I want to understand what happened for you".
Difficult Conversations, Made Practical - Match the other person’s energy and pace, not just their words
Align your speaking rate, volume, and energy level to theirs before trying to shift them.
Mirroring and Matching, Made Practical - Build a shared "third story"
Open with a neutral framing both sides could accept, not your version of events.
Difficult Conversations, Made Practical - Use the talking piece to enforce equal voice
Only the person holding the talking piece speaks — everyone else listens.
The Circle Process (Kay Pranis) - Correct distracting by returning to what was avoided
When you’ve changed the subject or made a joke, come back to the thing that felt threatening.
The Satir Model - Use minimal encouragers
Small signals — "mm-hm", "go on", a nod — that keep the speaker talking without taking the floor.
Active Listening, Made Practical - Schedule check-ins rather than relying on spontaneity
Spontaneous "we should talk" conversations are almost always initiated by a problem, not prevention.
The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected
Related concerns
- Connection Versus Conversation
Separate what happened, the feelings, and the identity stakes — they’re tangled and need different handling.
Untangle the three conversations
- How To Align In Difficult Talks
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Find mutual purpose
- Movement For Conversations
Move one-on-ones and brainstorms onto a walk instead of a table.
Walking meetings and conversations
- How To Be More Talkative In A Relationship
Share your thoughts, feelings, and daily experiences — not just problems.
Practice openness through regular self-disclosure
- How To End A Deep Conversation
Close the conversation with something that anchors you in the relationship, not the problems.
End every check-in with a connecting moment
- How To Not Redirect Conversation
Resist the urge to steer the conversation toward what you find interesting or important.
Follow the speaker’s thread, not your own
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.