Coaching practices for Cialdini S Principles of Influence with My Partner

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I notice I say yes far more easily to people I happen to like, and I want to understand that pull
  • When I’m trying to bring someone around, they treat me as an outsider pushing my own agenda
  • I open with the big request and watch it get shot down, and afterward I notice the people who got me to commit started with something tiny I could easily say yes to
  • I always lead with the ask and then wonder why people put up walls
  • I catch myself going along with someone just because they had the title or the confident expert tone, and later realize I never checked whether they actually knew what they were talking about

Practices that may help

  1. Cialdini’s Principles of Influence
    Robert Cialdini identified six near-universal levers of persuasion — reciprocity, commitment and consistency, social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity — that bias people toward saying yes. They’re drawn from decades of social-psychology research and field studies; the principles are well established even though individual effect sizes vary by context.
  2. Liking
    We say yes to people we like — and similarity, compliments, and cooperation grow liking.
    Cialdini’s Principles of Influence
  3. Activate unity — shared identity before the message
    Establish genuine shared identity with your audience before presenting your position.
    Pre-Suasion, Made Practical
  4. Commitment and consistency
    Get a small, voluntary commitment first; people then act to stay consistent with it.
    Cialdini’s Principles of Influence
  5. Reciprocity
    Give something first — value, help, a concession — and people feel pulled to give back.
    Cialdini’s Principles of Influence
  6. Authority
    People defer to credible expertise — and to its symbols — more than they realize.
    Cialdini’s Principles of Influence
  7. Social proof
    People look to what similar others are doing to decide what’s correct, especially under uncertainty.
    Cialdini’s Principles of Influence
  8. Apply door-in-the-face for prosocial or charitable asks
    The technique was originally tested in a prosocial context and works especially well when both parties share values.
    The Door-in-the-Face Technique, Made Practical
  9. Explicitly asking your partner to treat you as your ideal self
    Name one quality of your ideal self and ask your partner to treat you as if you already have it.
    The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other
  10. Behavioral confirmation audit: how are you treating your partner?
    Regularly examine whether your daily behavior toward your partner confirms their ideal self or their non-ideal self.
    The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other

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