Coaching practices for Fairness as Action Principle

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Fairness as Action Principle, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I bend over backwards to be fair to everyone else and then quietly leave myself out of the equation entirely
• In this hard situation with someone I keep asking "what do I feel like doing" or "what keeps the peace"
• I behave decently mostly out of fear of getting caught or breaking a rule, and it feels hollow and brittle
• It’s turned into a pure contest of who’ll budge first, and I hate that whoever caves just loses face
• I notice I’d feel devastated if a choice I made went wrong, but strangely okay if the exact same bad thing happened because I just sat on my hands

Practices that may help

1. Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
   Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
2. Make justice the criterion for action in relationships
   Ask, in every significant interaction: what does justice — giving each person what they are genuinely owed — require here?
   The Stoic Discipline of Action
3. Ground ethics in love and compassion, not rule compliance
   Let care for others — not fear of violation — be the engine of your moral conduct.
   The Perennial Philosophy, Made Practical
4. Insist on objective criteria to evaluate options
   Agree on an independent standard — market rate, precedent, expert opinion — before applying it to the specific deal.
   Principled Negotiation, Made Practical
5. Apply the outcome equivalence test
   Ask: if the same harm resulted from action vs. inaction, which would you prefer? Divergence reveals the bias.
   Omission Bias — Why Doing Nothing Feels Safer Than Acting
6. Practice equity: bend general rules to particular cases
   Apply rules with awareness that no rule perfectly fits every situation; the wise person corrects for the fit.
   Phronesis: Aristotle’s Practical Wisdom
7. Cultivate virtue through deliberate habituation
   Do the virtuous action — even imperfectly, even without the feeling — until the disposition follows.
   Virtue Ethics, Made Practical
8. Share tasks equitably — and feel equitable about it
   Divide practical responsibilities in a way both partners experience as fair.
   Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
9. Noticing and extending compassionate impulses
   When you feel a spontaneous impulse toward compassion or fairness, act on it rather than suppressing it.
   Confucian Self-Cultivation: The Mencius Approach
10. The Rule of Reciprocity, Made Practical
    Reciprocity is a deep cross-cultural norm: people feel a strong, often uncomfortable obligation to return favors — even uninvited ones, and even when the return is disproportionately large. Cialdini documented this in his influence research and it maps onto evolutionary accounts of cooperation. It can be used to build genuine goodwill or, exploited unethically, to manufacture obligation — the difference matters and is usually detectable.

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.