Coaching practices for How Do I Deal with Unrequited Love

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How Do I Deal with Unrequited Love, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I keep telling myself to just move past what they did and not make a big deal of it, so I never actually look the hurt in the face
• We’re both trying so hard and somehow both ending up feeling unloved, and I’m starting to think we’re each pouring love in the exact form we’d want to get it back
• There are relationships that still sit unfinished in me
• There’s someone I have so much unsaid with
• I keep waiting for them to apologize, to suffer, to somehow earn my forgiveness before I’ll give it

Practices that may help

1. R — Recall the hurt
   Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
2. Discovering and acting on each other’s languages
   Find out — by asking and observing — how each partner most readily feels loved, then act on it.
   The Five Love Languages, Honestly
3. Write the forgiveness passages your legacy needs
   Name who you need to forgive and who you need to ask forgiveness from — and write it out.
   The Legacy Letter: Writing What You Want to Leave Behind
4. Write an unsent letter to process relational difficulty
   Write a letter — never to be sent — to someone with whom you have unresolved feelings, saying everything you actually feel.
   Expressive Writing (Pennebaker)
5. A — Give the Altruistic gift of forgiveness
   Recall a time you were forgiven, and offer forgiveness as a gift rather than a transaction.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
6. Work the difficult-person stage without forcing
   Extend metta to a difficult person not as approval of their actions but as unconditional goodwill for their wellbeing.
   Metta Bhavana: The Practice of Loving-Kindness
7. Unburdening
   Help a part release the extreme beliefs and emotions it has been carrying.
   Internal Family Systems (IFS), Made Practical
8. Use a small ask to repair a strained relationship
   In a cool or conflicted relationship, asking for a small favor can reset the dynamic more effectively than doing one.
   The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
9. Upekkha toward a difficult person
   Extend equanimity specifically toward someone whose actions you cannot control but are affected by.
   Upekkha: Cultivating Equanimity in Meditation and Life
10. Acceptance (willingness)
    Make room for unwanted feelings instead of struggling against them, so they stop running the show.
    Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Made Practical

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