Coaching practices for How Do You Deal with Unrequited Love

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How Do You Deal with Unrequited Love, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I keep telling myself to just move past what they did and not make a big deal of it, so I never actually look the hurt in the face
• There are relationships that still sit unfinished in me
• I keep waiting for them to apologize, to suffer, to somehow earn my forgiveness before I’ll give it
• We’re both trying so hard and somehow both ending up feeling unloved, and I’m starting to think we’re each pouring love in the exact form we’d want to get it back
• There’s someone I have so much unsaid with

Practices that may help

1. R — Recall the hurt
   Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
2. Write the forgiveness passages your legacy needs
   Name who you need to forgive and who you need to ask forgiveness from — and write it out.
   The Legacy Letter: Writing What You Want to Leave Behind
3. A — Give the Altruistic gift of forgiveness
   Recall a time you were forgiven, and offer forgiveness as a gift rather than a transaction.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
4. Discovering and acting on each other’s languages
   Find out — by asking and observing — how each partner most readily feels loved, then act on it.
   The Five Love Languages, Honestly
5. Write an unsent letter to process relational difficulty
   Write a letter — never to be sent — to someone with whom you have unresolved feelings, saying everything you actually feel.
   Expressive Writing (Pennebaker)
6. Work the difficult-person stage without forcing
   Extend metta to a difficult person not as approval of their actions but as unconditional goodwill for their wellbeing.
   Metta Bhavana: The Practice of Loving-Kindness
7. Upekkha toward a difficult person
   Extend equanimity specifically toward someone whose actions you cannot control but are affected by.
   Upekkha: Cultivating Equanimity in Meditation and Life
8. H — Hold on when the hurt comes back
   When resentment returns, don’t take it as proof you failed — recall your commitment and re-choose.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
9. Use a small ask to repair a strained relationship
   In a cool or conflicted relationship, asking for a small favor can reset the dynamic more effectively than doing one.
   The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
10. Apply emotion-focused coping to uncontrollable stressors
    When the stressor cannot be changed, invest your energy in how you relate to the experience rather than fighting the situation.
    Lazarus Appraisal Theory, Made Practical

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.