Coaching practices for How Do I Tell My Friend That His Behaviour is Odd

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How Do I Tell My Friend That His Behaviour is Odd, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• If a friend brought me this exact dilemma I’d know in two seconds what they should do, but stuck inside my own version I just go in circles
• I’m facing a real decision and some part of me already knows what the honest answer is
• I’d never speak to anyone else the way I speak to myself
• If a friend told me they’d blown off this exact thing I’d be gentle and kind to them in a heartbeat, yet to myself I’m brutal
• When something bothers me it comes out as "you always" and "what is wrong with you" instead of the one thing they actually did, and then we’re fighting about my tone instead of the dishes.

Practices that may help

1. Give yourself advice as if advising a close friend
   Describe your problem as if a close friend brought it to you — then write the advice you would give them.
   Self-Distancing Journaling
2. Advise yourself as you would a friend
   Ask what you would tell a friend in exactly your situation — then take your own advice.
   Self-Distancing: Thinking Clearly About Your Own Problems
3. Replace critic monologue with compassionate self-talk
   Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend in the same situation.
   Working With Your Inner Critic
4. Extend the compassion you would give a friend to yourself
   Ask what you would say to a capable friend who had delayed on the same task — then say that.
   Self-Forgiveness and Procrastination
5. Replace criticism with a specific complaint plus a need
   A complaint addresses a behavior; criticism attacks character -- only one is survivable.
   The Four Horsemen: Gottman's Warning Signs of Relationship Breakdown
6. Don’t make it about you
   Resist the reflex to relate by topping their story with your own.
   Holding Space
7. Use a small ask to repair a strained relationship
   In a cool or conflicted relationship, asking for a small favor can reset the dynamic more effectively than doing one.
   The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical
8. Apply self-kindness as actively as you would to a friend
   Treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you would offer a close friend in the same situation.
   Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
9. Enlist a habit support partner for awareness and reinforcement
   A support partner who prompts and reinforces the competing response accelerates habit reduction.
   Habit Reversal Training, Made Practical
10. Self-kindness: offer yourself what a good friend would
    Say the words a caring friend would say — to yourself, now.
    The Self-Compassion Break

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