Coaching practices for How to Deal with Divorce When You Still Love Her

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Deal with Divorce When You Still Love Her, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• People keep telling me I need to let them go and move on, and everything in me refuses
• After the baby, the move, the hard year, we just quietly stopped reaching for each other
• I thought I’d let it go, and then weeks later the old anger floods back out of nowhere
• There’s so much I never got to say to them, and so much happening now I wish I could tell them
• My partner has become so much a part of the furniture of my life that I barely register them anymore, and I catch myself being short or distracted

Practices that may help

1. Task 4: Find an enduring connection with the deceased
   Relocate the relationship from physical presence to an internal, meaningful connection.
   Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical
2. Rekindling after a drift: returning to aliveness
   Recognize a drift in erotic connection as normal — and name it as the beginning of a renewal, not a failure.
   Mating in Captivity: Sustaining Desire in Long-Term Relationships
3. H — Hold on when the hurt comes back
   When resentment returns, don’t take it as proof you failed — recall your commitment and re-choose.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
4. Speak or write to the person directly
   Address the deceased in letters, journal entries, or internal dialogue as a form of active continuing connection.
   Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
5. Imagine the absence of a key relationship
   Vividly imagine your life without a person you love — specifically, in detail, what would be missing.
   Negative Visualization for Gratitude: The Stoic Path to Appreciation
6. Distinguish adaptive from complicated continuing bonds
   Notice whether your bond with the person supports life re-engagement or prevents it.
   Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
7. Debrief and repair after the conflict is over
   The conversation after the fight -- done calmly -- is where lasting repair happens.
   Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships
8. Easy Manner: bring a light touch when appropriate
   Use humor, lightness, and warmth to remind both of you that the relationship is bigger than this conflict.
   GIVE: DBT’s Skill for Preserving Relationships During Difficult Conversations
9. Balance FAST with DEAR MAN when the relationship and the goal are both at stake
   Use DEAR MAN for what you want, GIVE for the relationship, and FAST for yourself — and know which to weight when they conflict.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
10. The last conversation
    Enter a conversation with someone you love as if it might be the last one you have with them.
    The Last Time Meditation

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