Coaching practices for How to Get Over Death of a Loved One
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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I know in my head that they’re gone, but it still hasn’t landed
- People keep telling me I need to let them go and move on, and everything in me refuses
- Everyone keeps telling me to move on and get over the loss, but the grief is huge and it won’t go
- The missing them comes in waves that physically knock the wind out of me, and when one crests I just need to get through the next few minutes without drowning
- Nobody in my life gets this kind of loss, and I’m starting to ache for even one person who’s been through the exact same thing and wouldn’t need me to explain why it matters.
Practices that may help
- Task 1: Accept the full reality of the loss
Move from intellectual acknowledgement to full emotional acceptance that the person is gone.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical - Task 4: Find an enduring connection with the deceased
Relocate the relationship from physical presence to an internal, meaningful connection.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical - Treating grief as a form of gratitude
When something ends and you feel grief, recognise that the grief is proportional to the love — and let it be both.
Mono no Aware: The Pathos of Things - Havening to soften acute grief activation
Use gentle touch and brief distraction to lower the physiological intensity of grief surges.
Self-Havening: Calming the Nervous System Through Touch - Find a community that recognises your specific loss
Seek out people who have experienced the same type of loss — online or in person.
Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical - Speak or write to the person directly
Address the deceased in letters, journal entries, or internal dialogue as a form of active continuing connection.
Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical - Carry forward the person’s legacy in your own life
Identify values, projects, or commitments the person cared about and carry them forward yourself.
Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical - Task 3: Adjust to a world without the person
Actively develop new skills, roles, and identity elements to navigate the changed life.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical - Map the assumptive world the loss disrupted
Identify which of your core beliefs about life, self, and the future the loss has challenged.
Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical - Move from terror management to mortality acceptance
Develop a genuinely held relationship with your finitude rather than suppressing or managing it.
Terror Management Theory, Made Practical
Related concerns
- How To Cope With Death Of A Loved One
Actively develop new skills, roles, and identity elements to navigate the changed life.
Task 3: Adjust to a world without the person
- How To Cope With Finding A Loved One Dead
Actively develop new skills, roles, and identity elements to navigate the changed life.
- How To Move On From Death Of A Loved One
Relocate the relationship from physical presence to an internal, meaningful connection.
Task 4: Find an enduring connection with the deceased
- How To Cope With The Death Of A Loved One
Actively develop new skills, roles, and identity elements to navigate the changed life.
- How To Deal With Death Of A Loved One
Actively develop new skills, roles, and identity elements to navigate the changed life.
- How To Deal With Death Of A Loved One Bible
Actively develop new skills, roles, and identity elements to navigate the changed life.
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