Coaching practices for How to Get Over Grief of Losing a Child

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • Everyone keeps telling me to move on and get over the loss, but the grief is huge and it won’t go
  • Nobody in my life gets this kind of loss, and I’m starting to ache for even one person who’s been through the exact same thing and wouldn’t need me to explain why it matters.
  • The missing them comes in waves that physically knock the wind out of me, and when one crests I just need to get through the next few minutes without drowning
  • My memories of them and of how it happened come at me in scattered, jagged pieces with no order to them, and I keep replaying the end on a loop
  • I’ve been keeping it together by staying busy and not letting myself fall apart, but the grief I keep shoving down isn’t shrinking

Practices that may help

  1. Treating grief as a form of gratitude
    When something ends and you feel grief, recognise that the grief is proportional to the love — and let it be both.
    Mono no Aware: The Pathos of Things
  2. Find a community that recognises your specific loss
    Seek out people who have experienced the same type of loss — online or in person.
    Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical
  3. Havening to soften acute grief activation
    Use gentle touch and brief distraction to lower the physiological intensity of grief surges.
    Self-Havening: Calming the Nervous System Through Touch
  4. Construct a coherent narrative of the loss
    Tell the full story of the loss — who the person was, what happened, and what life is now.
    Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical
  5. Task 2: Work through the pain of grief
    Allow and process the emotional and physical pain of loss rather than bypassing it.
    Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical
  6. Validate your own grief without waiting for external permission
    Give yourself the recognition that society has withheld — your loss is real because it matters to you.
    Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical
  7. Look honestly for what has grown or changed for the better
    Without minimising the loss, notice any growth, change, or perspective that has emerged from it.
    Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical
  8. Create private rituals for losses that have no public ceremony
    Design your own mourning practice for a loss that comes with no cultural script.
    Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical
  9. Deliberately engage loss-oriented work
    Set aside dedicated time to directly face the grief — the emotions, the absence, the meaning of the loss.
    The Dual Process Model of Grief, Made Practical
  10. Task 4: Find an enduring connection with the deceased
    Relocate the relationship from physical presence to an internal, meaningful connection.
    Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical

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