Coaching practices for How to Get Over Jealousy of an Ex

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • When I see someone living the life I want, this hot wave of envy hits and I just feel small and resentful
  • I feel the jealousy or the hurt and then immediately pile on a second layer of "I shouldn’t feel this, a mature person wouldn’t"
  • The instant I see someone else win, my gut reads it as me losing
  • I want to learn to feel genuine joy for people who do well, but if I imagine a rival succeeding I just curdle
  • When someone I know succeeds, my gut reaction is this clench, like they just took something off the table that was supposed to be mine

Practices that may help

  1. Convert comparison to curiosity
    When you notice admiration or envy, ask what it tells you about what you actually value — then pursue it.
    The Comparison Trap
  2. Give yourself permission to feel
    Drop the judgment about whether you should or shouldn’t feel a certain way — the emotion is already there.
    Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical
  3. Reframing social comparison into shared gain
    When you notice envy, pause and ask: "What does their success make possible for me or others?"
    Mudita: How to Cultivate Sympathetic Joy
  4. Directed mudita meditation
    Systematically send sympathetic joy to easy, neutral, and difficult targets — in that order.
    Mudita: How to Cultivate Sympathetic Joy
  5. Practice the abundance reframe
    Remind yourself that others’ success does not diminish the supply available to you.
    The Comparison Trap
  6. H — Hold on when the hurt comes back
    When resentment returns, don’t take it as proof you failed — recall your commitment and re-choose.
    Forgiveness: The REACH Model
  7. E — Empathize with the offender
    Try to understand the pressures, fears, or story behind what they did — without excusing it.
    Forgiveness: The REACH Model
  8. Apply self-compassion when comparison creates self-criticism
    When comparison activates self-criticism, meet it with the response you would give a close friend.
    Social Comparison Online: What the Research Actually Shows
  9. R — Recall the hurt
    Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
    Forgiveness: The REACH Model
  10. Actively maintain memory of your relationship’s positive history
    PSO is partly built on a rich, accessible memory of good times — keep it alive.
    Positive Sentiment Override: How to Build the Lens That Protects Relationships

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