Coaching practices for How to Handle Negative Campaign About Me by a Colleague

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I have to make an ask that I know is going to land as self-serving or unfair, and I’m dreading the moment they think it
  • I’m dreading this talk because I know they’re already thinking the worst of me
  • I’m walking into this knowing exactly what they’re probably thinking about me
  • Someone takes a dig at me and I instantly want to either defend myself or fire back, and either way I’ve handed them exactly the reaction they were fishing for and the jabs just keep coming.
  • When I’m upset I go straight for who they are

Practices that may help

  1. Run an accusation audit before difficult asks
    Name the worst things the other person might think about you or your request — before they do.
    Labeling Emotions in Negotiation, Made Practical
  2. The accusation audit
    Pre-empt their worst objections by saying them out loud before they can.
    Tactical Empathy
  3. The accusation audit
    Say the worst thing they might be thinking about you — out loud, first — to defuse it.
    Never Split the Difference, In Practice
  4. Fogging
    Calmly agree with any grain of truth in a criticism without caving or counterattacking.
    Assertiveness Training, Made Practical
  5. Complain about the specific situation, not the person’s character
    Target the behavior or situation, never the person’s character or worth.
    The Soft Startup: How You Begin a Difficult Conversation Determines How It Ends
  6. Make feedback specific and behavioral, not evaluative
    Describe what you observed, not what it says about the person.
    The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead
  7. Invite an adversarial collaborator
    Find someone whose genuine prior is the opposite of yours, and work together on the same evidence.
    Confirmation Bias: Seeing What You Expect to See
  8. Describe behavior, not character
    Say what the person did — actions, words — not what that says about who they are.
    The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
  9. Surface the verification motive
    Name the moments you discount positive feedback, then ask what self-view you are protecting.
    Self-Verification Theory, Made Practical
  10. Track what your partner does right, not just wrong
    Deliberately notice and record positive partner behaviors to counteract negativity bias.
    The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships

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