Coaching practices for How Do I Identify Which Kegan Stage I'm Currently in

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • My team feels off and I keep reacting to each flare-up as its own thing, but I can’t actually say what phase we’re in
  • I honestly can’t tell where I am in my own life right now
  • There are things I treat as plain facts about myself and the world, and I’m starting to suspect some of them are just views I’ve never questioned
  • I follow a set of unwritten rules in my roles so automatically I’ve never asked if they’re even mine, and I’m so defined by what others expect of me that I can’t tell where their expectations end and I begin.
  • I keep throwing action plans and systems at this change and getting nowhere, and I’m starting to suspect I jumped straight to "do it" when I haven’t even really decided yet

Practices that may help

  1. Diagnose which stage your team is in
    Name the stage you’re in before you pick a leadership response.
    Tuckman’s Stages of Team Development
  2. Identify your current season honestly
    Name the season you are actually in — not the one you want to be in or the one others expect.
    Seasons of Life
  3. Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
    Robert Kegan’s subject-object theory holds that adult development is a series of shifts in what you are "subject to" (run by, unable to see) versus what you can hold as "object" (observe and reflect on). Each developmental order expands what you can see about yourself and others, and the practices that support these transitions — reflective inquiry, perspective-taking, immunity mapping — have clinical grounding, though the stage theory itself is based primarily on observational and interview research.
  4. Conduct a subject-object audit
    Identify what is currently running you without your awareness versus what you can observe and question.
    Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
  5. Practice third-order perspective-taking
    Step outside your relationships and social roles to see them as one perspective rather than as your identity.
    Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
  6. Identify your current stage before choosing a strategy
    Diagnose where you actually are in the change cycle before deciding what to do.
    The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical
  7. Identify where your Kolb cycle breaks down
    Know which of the four stages you consistently skip — that’s where your learning stops.
    Structured Reflection: Kolb’s Learning Cycle in Practice
  8. The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical
    The Transtheoretical Model (TTM), developed by Prochaska and DiClemente, proposes that behavior change moves through five stages — precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance — and that strategies effective in one stage often backfire in another. The staging framework is well-validated; the prescriptive matching of "stage-tailored" interventions shows promising but mixed results in trials.
  9. Identify your current rung
    Before trying to change your state, learn to read which of the three rungs you’re on right now.
    The Ladder of Regulation: Navigating Your Autonomic States
  10. Complete the full cycle — do not skip stages
    Identify which stage you habitually skip and repair it deliberately.
    Kolb’s Experiential Learning Cycle: Learning by Doing and Reflecting

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