Coaching practices for What's the Difference Between Kegan's Stages and Loevinger's Ego Development

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I follow a set of unwritten rules in my roles so automatically I’ve never asked if they’re even mine, and I’m so defined by what others expect of me that I can’t tell where their expectations end and I begin.
  • There are things I treat as plain facts about myself and the world, and I’m starting to suspect some of them are just views I’ve never questioned
  • I keep deferring to what other people think is right and then feel hollow about decisions that were never really mine
  • When a feeling grabs me I become it
  • I’m decently good now and I’ve quietly stopped improving

Practices that may help

  1. Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
    Robert Kegan’s subject-object theory holds that adult development is a series of shifts in what you are "subject to" (run by, unable to see) versus what you can hold as "object" (observe and reflect on). Each developmental order expands what you can see about yourself and others, and the practices that support these transitions — reflective inquiry, perspective-taking, immunity mapping — have clinical grounding, though the stage theory itself is based primarily on observational and interview research.
  2. Practice third-order perspective-taking
    Step outside your relationships and social roles to see them as one perspective rather than as your identity.
    Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
  3. Conduct a subject-object audit
    Identify what is currently running you without your awareness versus what you can observe and question.
    Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
  4. Develop your own compass for decisions
    Build a personal value system that guides decisions independently of social approval.
    Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
  5. Make the subject-object move
    Turn something that has you ("I am anxious") into something you have and can examine ("I notice anxiety in me").
    Self-Authorship: Moving From the Socialized to the Self-Authored Mind
  6. Allow yourself to be emotionally invested in outcomes at the competent stage
    Genuine commitment to outcomes — feeling the loss of failure — is what drives the transition from competent to proficient.
    The Dreyfus Model: Five Stages from Novice to Expert
  7. Engage generativity — the natural work of midlife and later seasons
    Midlife and later seasons are calling for contribution, mentorship, and transmission — not just personal achievement.
    Seasons of Life
  8. Complete the full cycle — do not skip stages
    Identify which stage you habitually skip and repair it deliberately.
    Kolb’s Experiential Learning Cycle: Learning by Doing and Reflecting
  9. Self-Authorship: Moving From the Socialized to the Self-Authored Mind
    Self-authorship, from Robert Kegan’s adult-development theory, is the capacity to generate your own internal standard for decisions rather than being defined by others’ expectations. It marks the shift from the "socialized mind" (made up by your environment) to the "self-authored mind" (author of your own values). It is a developmental theory describing how grown adults keep growing, not a quick technique.
  10. Diagnose which stage your team is in
    Name the stage you’re in before you pick a leadership response.
    Tuckman’s Stages of Team Development

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