Coaching practices for My Colleague is Constantly Blaming Me for His Errors

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For My Colleague is Constantly Blaming Me for His Errors, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• When something goes wrong around me I automatically assume it’s my fault
• I extend everyone else this generosity, but when I mess up I go straight to "I’m lazy, I’m a failure, this is just who I am"
• I keep blaming myself and vowing to just try harder, yet the same failure happens again and again no matter how much willpower I throw at it
• When I’m upset it all comes out as "you did this, you always do that"
• I report that I missed it, we both nod, and then I go hit the exact same wall next week

Practices that may help

1. Personalization and self-blame
   Take excessive personal responsibility for negative events that were partly or wholly outside your control.
   Cognitive Distortions: The Thinking Errors Behind Anxiety and Depression
2. Apply the razor to yourself
   Extend to your own past actions the same charitable interpretation you give others.
   Hanlon's Razor: Never Attribute to Malice What Stupidity Can Explain
3. Distinguish system causes from individual causes in the analysis
   Most failures have system causes and individual causes; fixing only the individual leaves the system to produce the same result again.
   After-Action Review: The US Army’s Tool for Continuous Learning
4. Correct blaming by adding accountability for self
   When blaming, add an honest account of your own contribution to the problem.
   The Satir Model
5. Coach each other, not just report
   Have your partner help problem-solve the obstacle, not only record the miss.
   Accountability Partners
6. Actively seek feedback that could prove you wrong
   Ask the people most likely to see your errors — not the people most likely to affirm you.
   The Dunning-Kruger Effect, Understood Clearly
7. Own mistakes promptly and without over-explanation
   A fast, clean acknowledgment of error lands better than a slow, elaborate defense.
   The Pratfall Effect, Made Practical
8. Move from blame to contribution
   Ask how each side contributed to the situation instead of who is at fault.
   Difficult Conversations, Made Practical
9. Extend the compassion you would give a friend to yourself
   Ask what you would say to a capable friend who had delayed on the same task — then say that.
   Self-Forgiveness and Procrastination
10. Extend the same generosity inward
    The charitable read is for your own behavior too — and refusing it for yourself fuels harshness toward others.
    Generous Interpretation

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