Coaching practices for Stop Blaming Others

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Stop Blaming Others, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• When I’m upset it all comes out as "you did this, you always do that"
• The whole thing has become a tug-of-war over whose fault it is
• I extend everyone else this generosity, but when I mess up I go straight to "I’m lazy, I’m a failure, this is just who I am"
• Every time this conflict flares my mind races to how they’re at fault, and I keep noticing I never once turn the question around to my own expectations and reactions
• I keep waiting for someone else to fix my situation or change so things get better

Practices that may help

1. Correct blaming by adding accountability for self
   When blaming, add an honest account of your own contribution to the problem.
   The Satir Model
2. Move from blame to contribution
   Ask how each side contributed to the situation instead of who is at fault.
   Difficult Conversations, Made Practical
3. Apply the razor to yourself
   Extend to your own past actions the same charitable interpretation you give others.
   Hanlon's Razor: Never Attribute to Malice What Stupidity Can Explain
4. Drive all blames into one
   When conflict arises, examine how self-grasping is the root, rather than blaming the other person.
   Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
5. The practice of self-responsibility
   Own that you are the author of your choices, actions, and the fulfillment of your wants.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
6. Personalization and self-blame
   Take excessive personal responsibility for negative events that were partly or wholly outside your control.
   Cognitive Distortions: The Thinking Errors Behind Anxiety and Depression
7. Self-forgiveness through the practice
   Direct the forgiveness phrases inward to release guilt or shame you carry about your own past actions.
   Ho'oponopono: Hawaiian Forgiveness and Reconciliation
8. Take responsibility without the “but”
   Own your part fully; the word “but” deletes everything before it.
   The Art of Apology
9. Distinguish system causes from individual causes in the analysis
   Most failures have system causes and individual causes; fixing only the individual leaves the system to produce the same result again.
   After-Action Review: The US Army’s Tool for Continuous Learning
10. Take extreme ownership
    When the team fails, the leader looks first at what the leader did or failed to do.
    Extreme Ownership, Made Practical

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.