Coaching practices for Oblique Strategies During Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Oblique Strategies During Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Something’s genuinely wrong here and there’s no time to coax everyone to a comfortable yes
- There’s a real call that has to be made right now with no time to build consensus, and I keep softening it and hedging to keep everyone happy
- Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem
- Every disagreement turns into me versus them, like we’re opponents trying to win instead of two people up against the same problem
- We solve the immediate thing but the same ugly dynamic underneath stays exactly the same, so the next disagreement plays out identically
Practices that may help
- Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Oblique Strategies, Made Practical
Oblique Strategies is a deck of constraint-based prompts created by Brian Eno and Peter Schmidt to interrupt habitual thinking during creative blocks. The prompts work by forcing an indirect, unexpected approach to a problem rather than attacking it head-on. Evidence for constraint-based creativity is solid in cognitive research; the specific deck is widely used in music, design, and writing with strong anecdotal support. - Use Competing when speed or safety matters more than buy-in
Competing — high assertive, low cooperative — is appropriate when the decision is urgent, high-stakes, and not open for debate.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Transform the relationship, not just the issue
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Recognize when to shift modes mid-conflict
The mode that’s right at the start of a conversation may not be right ten minutes in.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Avoiding (unassertive, uncooperative)
Sidestep or postpone the conflict when timing is bad or the issue isn’t worth engaging.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
Related concerns
- Task Conflict Vs Relationship Conflict
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Fight the problem, not each other
- Assertive Conflict Approach
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
- Collaborative Conflict Culture
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter
- Conflict As Opportunity
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
- Differentiation In Conflict
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
Transform the relationship, not just the issue
- The Minto Pyramid Principle During Conflict
Barbara Minto’s Pyramid Principle says to lead with the answer, then support it with grouped, parallel reasoning. The approach originated at McKinsey and is widely adopted in consulting, law, and business writing. Direct evidence for its superiority over other structures is limited — it is established professional practice rather than an experimentally validated method.
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