Coaching practices for Self Determination Authenticity

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Self Determination Authenticity, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I’m facing a real decision and I realize I’m about to choose what my family or my role or "what one does" expects of me, not what I actually value
• I keep deferring to what other people think is right and then feel hollow about decisions that were never really mine
• I look at the big shape of my life
• Everything on my plate is something I "have to" do for someone else, and approaching it that way I feel coerced and flat
• When demands pull me in different directions I just bend toward whichever voice is loudest, because I’ve never actually pinned down my own criteria

Practices that may help

1. Choose authentically — from your own values, not from expectation
   Make choices that reflect your actual values rather than the role others have assigned you.
   Existentialism and Radical Choice
2. Develop your own compass for decisions
   Build a personal value system that guides decisions independently of social approval.
   Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
3. Audit whether you are living your life or someone else’s
   Identify the places where your choices reflect others’ expectations rather than your own values.
   The Regret of the Dying
4. Locate the autonomous "why"
   Reframe a task until you are doing it from your own values, not external pressure.
   Self-Determination Theory, Made Usable
5. Self-Determination Theory, Made Usable
   Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan) holds that durable motivation depends on three basic psychological needs being met: autonomy (acting from your own values), competence (feeling effective), and relatedness (feeling connected). Meet the needs and motivation becomes self-sustaining; thwart them and even rewarded behavior decays. The core claims are among the best-supported in motivation science.
6. Write your own internal standard
   Articulate the values and criteria you’ll use to judge your own choices, independent of approval.
   Self-Authorship: Moving From the Socialized to the Self-Authored Mind
7. Practice wholehearted living
   Cultivate the sense of worthiness that lets you engage life from "I am enough."
   Daring Greatly, Made Practical
8. Anchor each goal to a named, personal value
   Make the goal an expression of a specific value so it stays motivating when difficulty peaks.
   Self-Concordant Goals, Made Practical
9. Self-Authorship: Moving From the Socialized to the Self-Authored Mind
   Self-authorship, from Robert Kegan’s adult-development theory, is the capacity to generate your own internal standard for decisions rather than being defined by others’ expectations. It marks the shift from the "socialized mind" (made up by your environment) to the "self-authored mind" (author of your own values). It is a developmental theory describing how grown adults keep growing, not a quick technique.
10. Cultivate authenticity
    Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
    The Gifts of Imperfection, Made Practical

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.