Coaching practices for Seligman S Perma Model During Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Seligman S Perma Model During Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- The moment we start arguing, any sense that I actually like and respect this person evaporates
- Something’s genuinely wrong here and there’s no time to coax everyone to a comfortable yes
- I walk away from conflicts having caved again
- The second things get tense I snap into the same move every time without choosing it
- The moment an argument heats up I either shut down and flee or cave just to make it stop
Practices that may help
- Seligman’s PERMA Model, Made Practical
Martin Seligman’s PERMA model identifies five pillars of well-being: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. Unlike happiness models that treat well-being as a single variable, PERMA argues these five elements are each intrinsically valued and each independently improvable. Several PERMA-targeted interventions have randomized-trial support; others are mechanistically grounded with less direct evidence. - Protect fondness actively during and after conflict
Conflict is the test of PSO — deliberately hold the positive frame while the negative one is loudest.
Positive Sentiment Override: How to Build the Lens That Protects Relationships - Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - FAST: maintaining self-respect in difficult interactions
Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — the self-respect compass for high-pressure conversations.
DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship - Identify your default conflict mode
Before you can choose a mode, you have to know which one you use automatically.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Use fierce self-compassion to stay in hard conversations
Stay present in conflict by meeting your own distress with compassion, so you don't flee or attack.
Fierce Self-Compassion, Made Practical - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Choose your style deliberately
The real skill isn’t a favorite style — it’s matching the style to the situation instead of defaulting.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Stick to Values: act consistently with what actually matters to you
Before compromising a position, check whether the compromise conflicts with a core value — and hold if it does.
FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships - Run the ABCDE disputation
Map adversity → belief → consequence, then dispute the belief with evidence.
Learned Optimism: Seligman’s ABCDE Method
Related concerns
- Mastery Experiences During Conflict
Albert Bandura identified mastery experiences — successfully completing difficult tasks — as the most powerful source of self-efficacy. Unlike praise or encouragement, mastery experiences produce direct evidence of capability; the brain stores that evidence and draws on it under future challenge. The evidence across clinical, educational, and occupational research is strong.
- Pre Suasion During Conflict
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
- Self Discrepancy Theory During Conflict
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
- Self Monitoring During Conflict
Before you can choose a mode, you have to know which one you use automatically.
Identify your default conflict mode
- Via Character Strengths During Conflict
Identify the "overuse" and "underuse" of each signature strength — how they show up when you’re at your worst.
Map how your strengths distort under stress
- Committed Action During Conflict
Stay present in conflict by meeting your own distress with compassion, so you don't flee or attack.
Use fierce self-compassion to stay in hard conversations
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