FAST: maintaining self-respect in difficult interactions

Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — the self-respect compass for high-pressure conversations.

Why it works

Self-respect erodes in interpersonal situations when people over-apologize, cave on values for approval, or exaggerate to make a point. FAST provides a behavioral checklist that keeps interactions honest and values-aligned, so that afterward you feel like yourself rather than like someone who sold out to end a conflict. The outcome: relationships built on honesty rather than managed impressions, which are more durable.

How to do it

1. Fair: be fair to yourself as well as to the other person — don’t concede what you actually believe.
2. No excessive Apologies: apologize for genuine wrongs, not for having needs, opinions, or feelings.
3. Stick to values: notice if the pressure of the moment is pushing you away from what you actually believe is right.
4. Truthful: don’t exaggerate, catastrophize, or say things you don’t mean to win an argument.
5. After the interaction, ask: "Do I feel like I showed up as myself?" If not, identify which FAST element broke down.

Evidence

Self-respect and values-consistent behavior are linked to wellbeing across multiple frameworks (self-determination theory, ACT). FAST operationalizes these within an interpersonal context as part of the broader DBT skills evidence base. (clinical)

FAST as a named practice is embedded in DBT; the individual components (honesty, values-consistency) are supported by wider evidence. The full skill set has not been isolated in trials.

Common mistake

Confusing "no excessive apologies" with "never apologize" — FAST is about eliminating reflexive, anxiety-driven apologies, not genuine responsibility for real harm.