Coaching practices for Shall We Keep Asking Our Child to Share Her Food

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • With the serving bowls sitting right there on the table I just keep absentmindedly spooning out more without ever deciding to
  • I instinctively fill the plate and then feel I have to finish it, so a sensible portion always looks sad and skimpy and leaves me feeling deprived
  • I lurch straight from whatever I was doing into shoveling food down, already half-checked-out before the first bite
  • I keep finishing meals uncomfortably stuffed because I just eat until the plate’s clean
  • I find myself eating and I’m not even sure I was hungry

Practices that may help

  1. Serving from a distance, not the table
    Plate food away from where you eat so seconds require a deliberate trip.
    Hara Hachi Bu, Made Practical
  2. Eating from smaller dishes
    Use smaller plates and bowls so a full serving is a moderate amount.
    Hara Hachi Bu, Made Practical
  3. A pause of gratitude before eating
    Begin the meal with a brief acknowledgment, the way hara hachi bu was traditionally spoken.
    Hara Hachi Bu, Made Practical
  4. Hunger-satiety scale — eating within the 3–7 window
    Eat when hunger reaches 3 on a 0–10 scale and stop when satiety reaches 7 — neither starving nor stuffed.
    Mindful Eating, Made Practical
  5. Identifying the nine hungers before eating
    Before each meal, check which of the nine hungers (eye, nose, mouth, stomach, cellular, mind, heart, touch, water) is actually asking to be fed.
    Mindful Eating, Made Practical
  6. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  7. Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity
    Respond to the child’s world with curiosity and openness rather than threat and control.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  8. Talk with your child about their day and interests
    Genuine conversational interest builds vocabulary, trust, and the relationship buffer that makes limits land without conflict.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  9. Say yes to bids for connection before enforcing limits
    A child’s capacity to accept limits depends on how connected they feel to the person setting them.
    Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)
  10. Full sensory eating — engaging all five senses at each bite
    Bring sight, smell, sound, touch, and taste fully into each bite before swallowing.
    Mindful Eating, Made Practical

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