Coaching practices for Shifting the Burden

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Shifting the Burden, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• There’s a low hum of resentment building in me about who does what around the house
• The burden is finally gone and there’s this open, empty space where it used to live
• Someone hits a snag, brings it to me, I say "leave it with me," and somehow the task I delegated is back on my desk
• The whole thing has become a tug-of-war over whose fault it is
• Everyone brings their problems to me to solve, I jump in and fix each one, and now I’m the bottleneck for everything while my people never grow

Practices that may help

1. Share tasks equitably — and feel equitable about it
   Divide practical responsibilities in a way both partners experience as fair.
   Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
2. Invite new qualities in after the release
   Once the burden is released, ask the part what it now wants to receive in the burden’s place.
   IFS Unburdening, Made Practical
3. Resist upward (reverse) delegation
   Don’t let the task you delegated jump back onto your desk the first time it gets hard.
   Effective Delegation, Made Practical
4. Move from blame to contribution
   Ask how each side contributed to the situation instead of who is at fault.
   Difficult Conversations, Made Practical
5. Give the work back without abandoning people
   Resist taking ownership of problems that belong to the people facing the adaptive challenge.
   Adaptive Leadership, Made Practical
6. Replace defensiveness with partial responsibility
   Defensiveness is a claim of innocence; taking even partial responsibility is the only way forward.
   The Four Horsemen: Gottman's Warning Signs of Relationship Breakdown
7. Transfer authority with the responsibility
   Give people the decision rights and resources the task actually requires.
   Effective Delegation, Made Practical
8. Invite the release — do not force it
   Ask the exile if it is ready to release the burden, and trust its pace.
   IFS Unburdening, Made Practical
9. Resist reverse delegation (the "monkey back" problem)
   When a report brings you their monkey, don’t take it — send it back with the next step owned.
   Delegation Levels, Made Practical
10. Update protectors after an unburdening
    Tell the protectors what changed — they often do not know the burden has been released.
    IFS Unburdening, Made Practical

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.