Coaching practices for The Transtheoretical Model of Change During Conflict

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I keep throwing action plans and systems at this change and getting nowhere, and I’m starting to suspect I jumped straight to "do it" when I haven’t even really decided yet
  • I keep reaching for tracking apps and tidy action plans before I’ve done any of the inner work, and they never stick
  • I’ve held this change for a while and feel good about it overall, but there are specific moments
  • I’ve been stuck on the fence about this for ages
  • The second things get tense I snap into the same move every time without choosing it

Practices that may help

  1. The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical
    The Transtheoretical Model (TTM), developed by Prochaska and DiClemente, proposes that behavior change moves through five stages — precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance — and that strategies effective in one stage often backfire in another. The staging framework is well-validated; the prescriptive matching of "stage-tailored" interventions shows promising but mixed results in trials.
  2. Identify your current stage before choosing a strategy
    Diagnose where you actually are in the change cycle before deciding what to do.
    The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical
  3. Apply the experiential processes early, behavioral ones later
    Use consciousness-raising and emotional arousal early; counter-conditioning and stimulus control after you commit.
    The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical
  4. Track your temptation-to-confidence ratio
    Confidence in your ability to resist temptation must outpace the pull of the old behavior.
    The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical
  5. Work through a decisional balance in the contemplation stage
    List the honest pros and cons of changing — and of not changing — to unlock stuck ambivalence.
    The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical
  6. Identify your default conflict mode
    Before you can choose a mode, you have to know which one you use automatically.
    The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
  7. Recognize when to shift modes mid-conflict
    The mode that’s right at the start of a conversation may not be right ten minutes in.
    The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
  8. Transform the relationship, not just the issue
    Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
    The Third Alternative, Made Practical
  9. Map your immunity to change
    Find the hidden competing commitments that are holding a desired change in place.
    Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical
  10. Enlist a helping relationship appropriate to your stage
    The kind of support that helps in preparation (accountability) is different from what helps in contemplation (empathy).
    The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical

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