Coaching practices for Values vs Emotions
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Values vs Emotions, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- My mood keeps making my decisions for me
- Something big happened and I feel two opposite things at once
- Every feeling I have collapses into the same three words
- On paper this is the obviously rational call, but there’s a gut unease about it nobody will say out loud because we can’t justify it logically
- A feeling slams into me and I have no idea where it came from or why it’s this big
Practices that may help
- Walk your why — act from values, not from mood
Choose your response based on what matters to you, not on what the emotion is demanding.
Emotional Agility, Made Practical - Notice and name mixed or contradictory emotions simultaneously
When something significant happens, look for two or more emotions that coexist — even contradictory ones.
The Feeling Wheel: Building Emotional Vocabulary - Expand your feelings vocabulary
Deliberately learn and use a wider range of emotion words than "good" and "bad".
Emotional Granularity: Precision as a Regulation Skill - Red hat: name the emotions without justifying them
Give feelings a legitimate place in the discussion — the red hat makes emotional data explicit so it stops running covertly.
Six Thinking Hats, Made Practical - Understand the function of the emotion
Every emotion evolved because it does something useful — learn what yours is trying to do.
DBT Emotion Regulation Skills, Made Practical - Tell apart emotions that feel similar
Separate the cousins: anxiety vs excitement, anger vs hurt, sadness vs disappointment.
Emotional Granularity: Precision as a Regulation Skill - Set limits on behavior while accepting the feeling
All feelings are acceptable; not all behaviors are — hold both at once.
Emotion Coaching (John Gottman) - Check the facts and opposite action
Test whether an emotion fits the facts; if it doesn’t, act opposite to its urge to change it.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills, Made Practical - Resolving a decision with two competing values
When two values both apply, use your ranked priority to resolve the tension rather than freeze.
Values Card Sort - Check the facts first
Decide whether the emotion actually fits the situation before doing anything about it.
Opposite Action: Acting Against the Emotion’s Urge
Related concerns
- Primary Vs Secondary Emotions
Anger is almost always a secondary emotion — name what’s underneath it.
Name the primary emotion, not the secondary one
- Emotion As Information
Every emotion evolved because it does something useful — learn what yours is trying to do.
Understand the function of the emotion
- Emotions And Values
Choose your response based on what matters to you, not on what the emotion is demanding.
Walk your why — act from values, not from mood
- Emotions As Information
Every emotion evolved because it does something useful — learn what yours is trying to do.
- How To Check If Emotion Fits Situation
Decide whether the emotion actually fits the situation before doing anything about it.
Check the facts first
- Is My Emotion Justified
After checking, decide whether your emotion is warranted by the actual facts — not the interpretation.
Ask whether the emotion fits the facts
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.