Understand the function of the emotion
Every emotion evolved because it does something useful — learn what yours is trying to do.
Why it works
Emotions are not noise; they are rapid-signal systems shaped by evolution to motivate action, communicate with others, and encode what matters. When you know what function an emotion is serving — fear signals danger, anger signals violation, grief signals loss — you can evaluate whether the signal fits the facts rather than automatically obeying it. Understanding the function also reduces shame about having the feeling, which itself lowers emotional intensity.
How to do it
- Name the emotion as specifically as you can ("embarrassment," not just "bad feeling").
- Ask: what is this emotion trying to protect me from, communicate, or push me toward?
- Separate the function (valid signal) from the urge (automatic action) — you can honor the first without following the second.
- Notice whether the signal fits the current situation or is firing from an old pattern.
Evidence
Emotion function theories are well established in affective science; the role of emotions as information and action-readiness systems is foundational to both the DBT and CBT traditions. This framing is taught clinically and supported by the broader DBT evidence base. Linehan’s original randomized trial and a later mixed-effects meta-analysis show that DBT as the package this skill belongs to produces reliable reductions in self-harm and emotional dysregulation. (clinical)
The function-understanding step is clinically grounded but rarely isolated as a trial variable; evidence for DBT as a package is stronger than for any single component.
Sources
- Linehan, M. M., Armstrong, H. E., Suarez, A., Allmon, D., & Heard, H. L. (1991). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of chronically parasuicidal borderline patients. Archives of General Psychiatry, 48(12), 1060–1064.
- Kliem, S., Kröger, C., & Kosfelder, J. (2010). Dialectical behavior therapy for borderline personality disorder: A meta-analysis using mixed-effects modeling. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(6), 936–951.
Common mistake
Treating every emotion as true and every urge as a command — the function matters, but the intensity and the urge still need checking against the facts.
Practice this with IX Coach
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More practices for DBT Emotion Regulation Skills, Made Practical
- Reduce emotional vulnerability (PLEASE)
Lower your baseline reactivity by protecting sleep, eating, exercise, and physical health.
- Accumulate positive experiences
Deliberately do things that generate positive emotion — building a reservoir that distress draws from.
- Opposite action
When an emotion doesn’t fit the facts or is unhelpful, act opposite to its urge — fully and wholeheartedly.
- Describe emotions nonjudgmentally
Narrate what you feel in plain, factual language — dropping "I’m terrible for feeling this."
- Mindfulness of the current emotion
Observe the emotion as a wave passing through — without judging it, feeding it, or running from it.
- Check the facts
Before acting on an emotion, ask whether your interpretation of the situation actually fits the evidence.
- Build mastery
Do one thing every day that is challenging and leaves you feeling capable.
Related concepts
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills, Made Practical
The four DBT skill sets, the mechanisms behind them, and an honest read on the evidence
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Made Practical
The core techniques, the mechanisms, and where the evidence is strongest
- Self-Compassion, Made Practical
The three components, the mechanisms, and where the evidence is strong