Coaching practices for There Was One Moment When I Needed Them Most I Was Falling Apart and They Just Weren't There and No Amount of Good Times Since Has Touched it it Still Sits Between Us and I Can't Move Past it Until They Really Understand What That Did to Me
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For There Was One Moment When I Needed Them Most I Was Falling Apart and They Just Weren't There and No Amount of Good Times Since Has Touched it it Still Sits Between Us and I Can't Move Past it Until They Really Understand What That Did to Me, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- There was one moment when I needed them most
- There’s one moment when I needed them and they weren’t there, and even though it was a while ago it still sits between us
- When I try to remember them it all goes vague and formless and the grief just swallows me
- When everything fell apart, a few people really showed up for me and we got so much closer
- I can’t bring myself to get rid of a single thing of theirs
Practices that may help
- Repair an attachment injury
Specific relationship betrayals -- moments when you were not there -- need a specific repair, not just time.
Emotionally Focused Therapy: Sue Johnson's Framework for Lasting Bond Repair - Revisit a hurtful moment -- and repair it
Going back to a painful past moment together, with new understanding, is how attachment injuries heal.
Hold Me Tight: Sue Johnson's Seven Conversations for Lasting Love - Use specific memories as resources for meaning
Identify particular memories that distil what mattered most about the relationship.
Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical - Recognize and reinvest in deepened relationships
Notice which relationships grew closer through the hardship, and deliberately invest back in them.
Benefit-Finding: Locating Meaning and Growth in Adversity - Use symbolic objects as tangible continuing bonds
Keep meaningful objects that represent the person and use them consciously, not compulsively.
Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical - Domain 1 — Deeper relationships
Adversity can reveal who truly shows up and deepen the capacity for closeness and compassion.
Post-Traumatic Growth, Made Practical - Retell the story of the death and its aftermath
Construct a coherent, detailed narrative of the loss — including your experience before, during, and after.
Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical - Construct a coherent narrative of the loss
Tell the full story of the loss — who the person was, what happened, and what life is now.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical - Share the continuing bond in community
Talk about the person with others who knew and loved them, keeping the relationship alive in shared memory.
Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical - Map the assumptive world the loss disrupted
Identify which of your core beliefs about life, self, and the future the loss has challenged.
Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical
Related concerns
- When Hold Me Tight Revisit Hurtful Moments
Going back to a painful past moment together, with new understanding, is how attachment injuries heal.
Revisit a hurtful moment -- and repair it
- Atomic Habits After A Loss
Identify which of your core beliefs about life, self, and the future the loss has challenged.
Map the assumptive world the loss disrupted
- Crystallising Memories Grief
Identify particular memories that distil what mattered most about the relationship.
Use specific memories as resources for meaning
- Meaning Reconstruction In Grief With Friends
Robert Neimeyer’s meaning reconstruction model holds that significant loss shatters the assumptive world — the implicit beliefs about self, others, and the future on which daily life depends — and that healthy grief requires rebuilding a coherent, meaningful life narrative that can integrate the loss. This framework is supported by observational research on grief outcomes and underpins narrative grief therapies with growing trial evidence.
- Autobiographical Memory Grief
Tell the full story of the loss — who the person was, what happened, and what life is now.
Construct a coherent narrative of the loss
- Meaning Reconstruction In Grief After A Loss
Robert Neimeyer’s meaning reconstruction model holds that significant loss shatters the assumptive world — the implicit beliefs about self, others, and the future on which daily life depends — and that healthy grief requires rebuilding a coherent, meaningful life narrative that can integrate the loss. This framework is supported by observational research on grief outcomes and underpins narrative grief therapies with growing trial evidence.
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