Use symbolic objects as tangible continuing bonds

Keep meaningful objects that represent the person and use them consciously, not compulsively.

Why it works

Physical objects act as transitional objects — anchors for the internalised representation of the person. A ring, a book, a plant from their garden provides sensory access to the continuing bond when purely internal representation is hard to access. The object becomes a bridge between the external, vanished presence and the internal representation being developed.

How to do it

1. Choose one or two objects that most directly represent the person — not necessarily the most financially valuable.
2. Place them somewhere you will encounter them naturally but not so prominently that they become an intrusion.
3. When you encounter the object, allow a moment of deliberate connection rather than automatic avoidance or compulsive attachment.
4. Avoid accumulating many objects to the degree that the environment becomes a shrine — one or two is a bridge; many can become an obstacle.

Evidence

Transitional objects in grief are described in clinical literature and are consistent with Winnicott’s transitional object theory; their use in grief is clinically observed and associated with adaptive continuing bonds in bereavement research. (clinical)

The line between adaptive use of a symbolic object and complicated grief behaviour (e.g., preserving all belongings unchanged, intense distress at touching them) is clinical judgment rather than a bright line. Compulsive attachment to objects warrants attention.

Common mistake

Preserving all of the person’s possessions unchanged in the belief that disposing of anything severs the bond — the bond is internalised, not located in the objects.