Coaching practices for I've Started Catching a Smugness in Myself Quietly Feeling More Evolved or More Mindful Than the People Around Me and I Can Tell My Practice is Making Me Harder and More Judgmental Rather Than Gentler Which is the Opposite of the Point
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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I’ve started catching a smugness in myself
- Some part of me is convinced that if I ease up on myself I’ll go soft and stop trying, so I keep the inner voice harsh on purpose
- I measure myself against people who have more or are further along
- Whenever I try to be present I end up grading myself
- I can feel warm on the cushion and then snap right back into judging everyone the second I’m out in the world
Practices that may help
- Don’t make gods into demons
Don’t let spiritual practice become a source of pride, judgment, or superiority over others.
Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training - Self-kindness over self-judgment
Respond to your own mistakes with warmth and understanding instead of harsh criticism.
Self-Compassion, Made Practical - Interrupting upward social comparison
Notice when comparison is generating discontent and shift attention to your own trajectory.
Santosha: The Practice of Contentment - The attitudes of mindfulness
Cultivate the inner stances — non-judging, patience, beginner’s mind, acceptance, letting go — that make attention healing rather than harsh.
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) - On-the-spot metta in real interactions
Silently offer a quick well-wish to people you encounter during the day.
Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation - Get curious about the feeling, not critical
Ask "what is this emotion and what is it about?" instead of "why do I feel this way again?"
Emotional Granularity: Precision as a Regulation Skill - Use a challenge-calibration partner or coach
Have a more skilled observer set the challenge level — your own assessment is biased.
Growth-Edge Training: Practicing at the Edge of Your Ability - Remember what you can’t see
You’re reacting to a sliver of their behavior with no view of the pressures behind it.
Generous Interpretation - Extend the same generosity inward
The charitable read is for your own behavior too — and refusing it for yourself fuels harshness toward others.
Generous Interpretation - Always abide by the three principles
Maintain your vow, don’t show off, and practise impartially with everyone — not just the people you like.
Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
Related concerns
- How To Stop Judging People Harshly
The charitable read is for your own behavior too — and refusing it for yourself fuels harshness toward others.
Extend the same generosity inward
- Why We Judge Others Harshly
The charitable read is for your own behavior too — and refusing it for yourself fuels harshness toward others.
- How To Be More Mindful Of Others
Be fully here — undivided attention is the rarest and most flattering gift you can give.
Cultivate presence
- Non Judging Awareness
Turn attention to the process of noting itself, observing who is doing the labeling and whether the "noter" is also a mental event.
Advanced noting — noting the act of noting itself
- When Loving Kindness Metta Metta On The Spot
Silently offer a quick well-wish to people you encounter during the day.
On-the-spot metta in real interactions
- Buddhist Communication Practice
Before speaking in a difficult situation, run the statement through: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it the right time?
Right speech — four practical tests for what to say
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