Coaching practices for When People Just Tell Me You're Great I Wave it Off as Them Being Nice and it Bounces Right Off What I'm Actually Hungry for is Someone Who Watched Me Do the Thing to Point to Exactly What I Did Well So It's Specific Enough That I Can't Dismiss it

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For When People Just Tell Me You're Great I Wave it Off as Them Being Nice and it Bounces Right Off What I'm Actually Hungry for is Someone Who Watched Me Do the Thing to Point to Exactly What I Did Well So It's Specific Enough That I Can't Dismiss it, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• When people just tell me "you’re great" I wave it off as them being nice and it bounces right off
• When someone does something genuinely great I just toss off a "nice work" and move on, and it barely registers
• I tossed off a "great work" to someone and watched it land flat, because we both knew I hadn’t really looked at what they did
• My praise is all vague "nice work, good stuff" while every critique I give is razor-specific
• When I want someone to like me I reach for vague compliments that I can hear ringing hollow even as I say them

Practices that may help

1. Use specific verbal affirmation from credible sources
   Seek out specific, skill-referenced feedback from people who have seen you perform — not generic encouragement.
   Mastery Experiences
2. Use SBI for positive feedback, not just correction
   Name the situation, behavior, and impact when someone does something right.
   The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
3. Give recognition that names the person’s specific effort, not just the outcome
   Generic praise signals you were not paying attention; specific recognition proves you were.
   Caring Personally: The Foundation of Radical Candor
4. Make praise as specific as criticism
   Vague praise is nearly worthless; name exactly what was good and why.
   Radical Candor, Made Practical
5. Make the other person feel important — sincerely
   Talk to people in terms of what matters to them, and give honest, specific appreciation.
   How to Win Friends and Influence People, Made Practical
6. Complimenting Strengths Throughout the Session
   Deliberately name real strengths, efforts, and resources the person displays — not as praise but as information.
   Solution-Focused Brief Therapy: Building On What Works
7. Reflect back what you heard
   Mirror the speaker’s feeling and content back to them so they can hear themselves accurately.
   Active Listening, Made Practical
8. Give recognition generously and specifically
   Call out others’ contributions publicly, specifically, and without claiming credit for yourself.
   Give and Take: The Giver Advantage
9. Use specific, credible encouragement (social persuasion)
   Targeted feedback from people you trust nudges what you believe you can attempt.
   Self-Efficacy: Building the Belief You Can
10. Close the favor with specific, sincere gratitude
    Specific thanks reinforces the helper’s positive self-attribution and deepens the effect.
    The Ben Franklin Effect, Made Practical

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