Coaching practices for They Say They Want to Change but They're Clearly Half in Half Out and I Can't Tell Whether It's That the Change Doesn't Matter Enough to Them or That They Just Don't Believe They Could Actually Pull it Off
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For They Say They Want to Change but They're Clearly Half in Half Out and I Can't Tell Whether It's That the Change Doesn't Matter Enough to Them or That They Just Don't Believe They Could Actually Pull it Off, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- They say they want to change but they’re clearly half-in, half-out, and I can’t tell whether it’s that the change doesn’t matter enough to them or that they just don’t believe they could actually pull it off.
- They tell me what kind of parent or partner they want to be, and it’s miles from how they’re actually living
- I’ve been stuck on the fence about this for ages
- I genuinely want to make this change and I keep not doing it, and it’s not laziness
- Every time I try to tell myself I’m not the worthless, incompetent person I think I am, the whole thing snaps right back
Practices that may help
- Scale importance and confidence with the readiness ruler
Ask “On a 0–10 scale, how ready are you?” — then ask why not lower.
Motivational Interviewing, Made Practical - Develop discrepancy between values and behavior
Gently hold up the gap between what the person wants and what they’re doing.
Motivational Interviewing, Made Practical - Work through a decisional balance in the contemplation stage
List the honest pros and cons of changing — and of not changing — to unlock stuck ambivalence.
The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical - Map your immunity to change
Find the hidden competing commitments that are holding a desired change in place.
Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical - Update the self-concept incrementally
Revise one specific self-belief at a time — not the whole identity at once.
Self-Verification Theory, Made Practical - Identify your current stage before choosing a strategy
Diagnose where you actually are in the change cycle before deciding what to do.
The Transtheoretical Model of Change, Made Practical - Evoke change talk instead of supplying it
Ask questions that lead the person to voice their own reasons for changing.
Motivational Interviewing, Made Practical - Diagnose before you prescribe with COM-B
Before picking a strategy, identify which of Capability, Opportunity, or Motivation is the bottleneck.
The COM-B Model and Behavior Change Wheel - Clarify outcome expectations alongside efficacy expectations
High confidence in your ability is not enough if you don’t believe the behavior will produce the outcome you want.
Social Cognitive Theory - Cultivate genuine belief that change is possible
Habits stick permanently only when the person believes they can change — especially under stress.
The Habit Loop, Made Practical
Related concerns
- Why Am I Not Changing
Find the hidden competing commitments that are holding a desired change in place.
Map your immunity to change
- Why I Can T Change
Find the hidden competing commitments that are holding a desired change in place.
- Am I Ready To Change
Ask “On a 0–10 scale, how ready are you?” — then ask why not lower.
Scale importance and confidence with the readiness ruler
- Identifying Barriers To Change
Before picking a strategy, identify which of Capability, Opportunity, or Motivation is the bottleneck.
Diagnose before you prescribe with COM-B
- Prochaska Stages Of Change
The Transtheoretical Model (TTM), developed by Prochaska and DiClemente, proposes that behavior change moves through five stages — precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance — and that strategies effective in one stage often backfire in another. The staging framework is well-validated; the prescriptive matching of "stage-tailored" interventions shows promising but mixed results in trials.
- Readiness To Change
Ask “On a 0–10 scale, how ready are you?” — then ask why not lower.
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